


Secret

by younoknowme93



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gender Identity, Mates, Multiple Endings, POV Sans, f! Sans, female sans, lots of build, you get to choose the ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 03:20:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 24,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7249939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/younoknowme93/pseuds/younoknowme93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have a secret.  Well actually.  I have several secrets.  It’s kind of part of my charm.  Many of my secrets I have to keep hidden so that others do not worry but one of them…</p><p> </p><p>A story in which Sans is a female.  This story deals heavily with gender identity.  Up till chapter 22 just read.  At 23 the chapters will split depending on which of the two endings you desire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is currently incomplete, but I have already written 20 of them that I posted on fanfiction. I don't normally care for stories where a characters gender is changed, but this idea just hit me. I hope you all enjoy. Onward my ducklings.

I have a secret. Well actually. I have several secrets. It’s kind of part of my charm. Many of my secrets I have to keep hidden so that others do not worry but one of them…

  
“Brother, I am going training with Undyne now I will be back later please pick up that sock in the living room while I am gone. And this time when you pick it up please do not just set it back down in the same spot. And by that I mean do not just set it down beside where it was originally. Move it to your room. And when you move it do not bring it back.”

  
“Will do bro.” Papyrus leaves and I do exactly as he asked. After bringing the sock to my room I pick up a different sock and place it where the first was. “Well nothing like a nap after doing something productive.” I go into Pap’s room and lay down on his bed. It feels safe here.

  
I have a secret. The only reason no one knows is because I’ve lived with this secret my whole life. It isn’t anything bad or really anything good. It’s just a secret. I could tell people. Or at least tell my brother but it wouldn’t change anything and really I don’t know how I could even bring it up.

  
I slide the blankets over me and press myself against the wall. I don’t sleep well. At least not in my own room. But in this bed where my brother sleeps peacefully I can almost sleep without fear of night terrors. Past time lines come back to me in waves of fear choking me. Drowning unable to reach the surface until Paps shakes me awake. I don’t sleep at night. But in the mornings when my brother leaves to train I crawl into his bed and I feel safe. Like the action figures can protect me from what has already happened.  
This is my reality. And in what place does my secret have amongst all this misery. My secret is so minor and insignificant that no one would be affected. But. Every day that I keep it hidden feels like a lie to myself.

  
Papyrus and I were created by the previous royal scientist. I wonder sometimes If my brother even remembers. I remember. We were created to be mates to one another. Two halves of one monster. Orange and his compliment blue. I was created first from his left hand, Papyrus from his right. There was a time before Papyrus was created that I was alone. Sometimes I remember that loneliness. Sometimes I experience it anew.

  
Shortly after Papyrus was created, the royal scientist fell into the core. Having been created first I knew what Papyrus and I were meant to be. And I knew what I was. I called him my brother and he held my hand as I led him out of the lab. I remember he had many questions. I told him my name and then I told him his. He seemed to like his name.  
I hold his pillow between myself and the wall. I have a secret. Every day I wonder if I should tell him. It will only get harder if I choose to wait. Or should I even tell him. It wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t change who I am. I could just pretend a little longer. He doesn’t have to know. So why do I want him to know.

  
He will be back soon so I reluctantly crawl out of his bed and go to my own. Pappy is kind and innocent. I know he would not treat me any differently. Do I want him to treat me differently? He knows that we were meant to be mates. I told him though neither of us ever acted on it. Would he… if he knew my secret. It’s so easy and comfortable between us. Would that change if he found out. I can’t keep going back and forth. Do I tell him or not?

  
I’m not his brother. If anything… I would be his sister.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first several chapters are short, but some get long. Sorry for the inconsistencies. Onward my ducklings.

I keep my door locked. It’s a habit. Sometimes when Pap isn’t home I take off my clothes and inspect my body. Skeletons do not have genitals, but if I were to create one with magic I know it would not be a penis. There are minor differences between a male and female skeleton. Would Papyrus even notice how much rounder my pelvis is or why my bones are so much smaller than his. Would he notice how much larger the gap in my pelvis bone is compared to his. A gap formed so that I would be capable of bringing a child into the world. Even covered in clothing I feel like he can see these minor differences. Like maybe he already knows. Like maybe he already knows that I’ve been lying to him.

  
Maybe these differences aren’t enough to convince him that I’m a girl. As far as skeletons go I’d say I’m decently attractive... If I were a male. With other female monsters, someone can clearly tell what gender they are. Undyne is more manly than I am, but has a sort of beauty to her. And Alphy is timid and…. Cute. Skeletons aren’t cute or beautiful. I could keep my true gender hidden my whole life. Skeletons don’t have skin or flesh so as long as I stay clothed no one will know.

  
Sometimes when I’m alone I use my magic to create breasts. If I weren’t a skeleton, they would naturally grow and maybe then my brother would know my secret without me having to tell him. Sometimes I form small breasts beneath my clothing. Small enough that no one can notice the difference. But I feel more confident in my gender. Justified in what I am. I feel.. almost… beautiful. Like it wasn’t an accident to make me a female. This is what I truly am.

  
Other times when I’m alone I create large heavy boobs. To big to fit fully in my hands. If I weren’t a skeleton would I be curvy? Would I have a rolling midsection large thighs. I think I would want to be a large woman. To never be mistaken for the other gender. Right now I lack any curves that would make me look more feminine. I would wish to have those natural curves.  
I can hear Papyrus return so I pull my clothes over my body effectively hiding who I am. I keep my breasts small content with know they are there even if no one else knows.

  
“Sans, Brother are you still asleep? We must get ready for our sentry duty.”

  
“Sorry Paps, I was just BONE tired.” He grumbles at me.

  
“Sans, did you really move another sock out here. You don’t even wear socks why do you have them?”

  
“Well I’m STOCKING up in case I ever start.” We continue like this until we reach our posts. Mine is farther away but I don’t stop at it. I go to the giant door of the runes.

  
I lied before. One person knows that I’m a girl, but she doesn’t know who I am exactly. Still even if it’s a hollow achievement, it makes me happy. Even though I sound masculine she could tell right away what I am.

  
“Knock Knock.”

  
“Who is there?”

  
“Etch”

  
“Etch who?”

  
“Bless you.” She laughs happily. I’m sure it’s lonely closed off inside there.

  
“I have missed your jokes. How are you doing?”

  
“About the same.” Always the same. I press my hand to my chest. I can feel the slight curve of my breasts. No one can see them. But I know they are there. I know they are there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't have anything to say... onward my ducklings.

My brother is very tall. Sometimes if I’m lucky he will carry me. Everything looks so much different from up high. Is that why he is always smiling. Always happy. Always trusting. Like he can see over the forest of pain that has been planted. Sometimes he will carry me. At those times I am too anxious to keep the breasts formed so I hide them. But sometimes when he holds me I can feel myself subconsciously forming an opening for him. It’s happened so often and though I’ve tried countless times I cannot stop myself when we are that close. He hasn’t realized yet. My sweet oblivious brother.

  
But right now he is at his post and I am at mine. Too far away to see one another. Sometimes it feels lonely. Papyrus is motivated and hardworking. I am not. I use to be. Before all of these time anomalies started happening. Because it mattered. He wants to capture a human. I think he’d be happy if he could just see one. I’m not sure he knows what the royal guard would do to the human if one is captured. I don’t want him to know.

  
My life has been a series of ploys to keep my brother’s eyes innocent. And for the most part It’s been successful. He’s happy. And we might be forced underground, but our home is cozy and safe. I’m content here.  
Around noon I meet my brother at his post and we go to grab lunch at Grillby’s. When he charges ahead and I fall behind he stops, returns to my side, and picks me up. An opening automatically forms and I hold my legs tight together to keep from responding inappropriately.

  
“Brother.” That word stings every time. Like he’s testing if I will continue to lie to him. “You have been unusually tired lately. I know you have not been sleeping well at night is there something you wish to talk about.”  
“Ha no bro, I’m fine.”

  
“Do not think I haven’t noticed how you only have 1 hp. That isn’t safe. I know we do not talk about serious things often but...” We arrive in Snowdin.

  
“Come on Paps. You snow I’m just a bonehead. But I haven’t been (snow)flaking on my duties.”

  
“Brother I am seriously worried. You don’t tell me anything. I can see how tired you are when I leave to go train with Undyne. Is it nightmares? Do you wish to sleep with me at night?” I most definitely cannot do that.

  
“Papyrus, I’m fine. I swear. Let’s just get some grub. If we don’t hurry back, we could miss a human.” He doesn’t look convinced.

  
“Brother if we do find a human, how do I know that you will be safe. If they try to hurt you, you might die. Sans, I can stand to think of you getting hurt, so I need to know if you are honestly okay. I need to know why you only have one hp. And I need to know if there is something I can do to keep you safe.” Just kiss me my brave prince. Yea no. Not going to say that.

  
“Paps as long as you are around I’m not going anywhere. You have to believe that.” He sets me down and I feel my body calm. I let myself form breasts and I feel more relaxed.

  
“Let’s eat, but I am not done talking about this brother. I am still worried.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are wondering why all of the chapters are short, it is because this was originally just posted on tumblr. I wrote a chapter a day, but I haven't gotten on my tumblr in a long time, so I just transferred it to fanfiction. I've only had an account of here for two days, so I'm slowly transferring my stories on here as well. Some of the chapters are longer. Onward my ducklings

Papyrus never forgets anything. We didn’t go back to patrolling for humans after we ate. I must have been acting really off for him to be that worried. We walk wordlessly back to our small home, once we unlock the door he steers me towards the couch and makes me sit down.

  
“Brother until I am sure that you are well enough, I do not want you helping me capture humans.”

  
“Papyrus, I’m fine. You’re worrying too much.”

  
“No. I don’t think I am. Sans, I notice the way you’ve been acting. Lately you seem more anxious. And don’t think I haven’t realized that you have been sleeping in my bed once I leave.” I can’t say anything. “You are always welcome to stay with me in my room if it will help you sleep.”

  
“Heh. I haven’t been sleeping in your bed. Why would you think that bro?”

  
“I always make my bed each morning before I go to train with Undyne, and each day when I come home my bed is no longer made. And it’s warm from where someone has been laying in it. Brother… Sans. Why did you lie to me?” I can’t speak. His hand grasps mine tenderly. “I am not mad at you brother. I have to get back to patrolling, you may take a nap in my bed if you would like.” All too soon his hand releases mine.

  
A part of me would like to crawl in his bed. But I feel anxious doing that... now that he knows. Instead I head back to Grillby’s. By now the lunch rush will be gone and he will have no problem with me occupying one of his stools for a few hours.

  
“Hey Grillby. Can I get some of the good stuff?” He slides a bottle of ketchup in front of my usual seat.

  
“… Perhaps you should be resting.” As always he talks slowly and quietly.

  
“Na. I’d much rather just hang out here.”

  
“… The nightmares again?”

  
“Uh.. nightmares.”

  
“… You told me… once before…when you were intoxicated…that you have nightmares… most nights.” I don’t remember that. But it sounds like something I would confess while drunk.

  
“Yea. I’ve had a couple.” He doesn’t push. Grillby’s is really popular. Sure it’s the only restaurant in Snowdin, and yeah the food is great. But I still think the reason it’s so popular is it’s the warmest place in Snowdin. Without me asking he slides a drink in front of me. It burns slightly and I can feel tension melting away.

  
“…I recommend… drinking slowly… you tend to… get drunk… easily…”

  
“Heh. I’m fine. I’m not going to get drunk.” He doesn’t press the issue. Occasionally someone will come in, but I become less aware of this as time passes. When everything starts looking fuzzy I let my eyes slide closed.

  
_My bones feel numb. I can hear wind whooshing loudly in my ears. Everything is white. A speck of color catches my attention. Something tells me to not look. To run away, but I walk towards that vibrant color in a sea of white. My body stills. Again begging me to not look, but I’m being pulled. Being called. I sink to my knees and grasp the scrap of red fabric. Beneath it a pile of gray dust. I scream._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter. Onward my ducklings

When I open my eyes everything is dark. I’m in bed. I’m wedged between the wall and my brother. I know it’s him because I can feel bony fingers rub my back softly. I know he’s awake. And I know he can tell that I’m awake. Neither of us say anything. I’m hesitant to move because if he knows, that I know, that he knows I’m awake; he might try talking. And right now I don’t want to talk. I’m happy just being wedged between the wall and my brother. I don’t mind that his body is hard and uncomfortable. I don’t mind that he’s quietly humming. I don’t mind that his hand is low on my back. I don’t mind that I’m lying on his ribcage.

  
I don’t know how I got here but I can make a guess. I fell asleep at Grillby’s and Papyrus carried me home. He’s been worried about me. It doesn’t surprise me that he brought me to his room. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s pretending that he doesn’t realize that I’m awake. When his hand lays on the back of my head and rubs it softly I let my eyes close.

  
Papyrus has always been a good brother. A good person. Sometimes it’s scary. He believes in others. He believes the best about others. I don’t have that luxury. I don’t have that ability. I think maybe I did at one point but not anymore.

  
There isn’t any room to move and that makes me happy. Because I have an excuse to be against him. His skull rests on top of mine. If we had lips he would be kissing the top of my head… instead I only hear a hushed clack. Bone scrapes on bone when he nuzzles his head against mine. The scratching sound is comforting.

  
I want to sleep. I feel like right now I might could. But he’s so close that I can’t bring myself to close my eyes. So I just keep my face buried against his chest where it’s been since I woke up. Every touch has me suppressing a shiver. I’m so tired but my body is tense refusing to relax so close to my mate. When I woke I had already formed an opening for him. I don’t want to know what would happen if he found out about it. Fuck if he found out. No. He can’t find out. I can’t breathe. What would I do. No. Can’t.

  
“Shh. Calm down Sans. I’m here. Just sleep. I will protect you from anything scary. Don’t be afraid. I love you Sans.” I know you do brother. His words are almost enough to put me at ease. I let myself close my eyes and when I open them again it’s morning.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you have so many chapters to transfer over all at ones it gets really tedious... onward my ducklings

I don’t know how to act when I wake up. Should I act nonchalant. Should I just sneak out before he wakes up? No. I’m sure he’s already awake. And even If he weren’t, I’m between him and the wall. I really don’t want to move at all. My body doesn’t feel stiff from thrashing all night. Stiff from dreams that I can’t escape from. I didn’t dream anything. Just stared at blank nothingness. I’m comfortable. But I can’t just lay in bed all day. Eventually I will have to admit that I’m awake. I enjoy another minute of quiet comfort then I sit up slowly. Papyrus follows. He’s looking at me. The same way he always looks at me. But also not the same way. He’s looking at me with eyes that clearly shows how much he adores me, but at the same time... they are calculating. Watching me. Watching for something off in the way I hold my eyes or off in my movements.

  
“Sans. Maybe you should lay back down. Get some more sleep.” He softly tries to push me back on the bed.

  
“Heh. Very funny Paps. You know we have to go out and patrol for humans.” His gaze is still searching for something.

  
“No.. No we don’t Sans. Please just get some more rest.”

  
“Heh. And let you miss capturing a human. Not a chance bro.” His eyes narrow thoughtfully.

  
“My desire to capture a human and become part of the royal guard has made me neglect you. I have let my desires impede my ability to look after you. Sans, I am your brother I should have been protecting you over anyone else.” His words are absolute. “I will not be returning to capturing humans until I am sure you are well.”

  
“Come on Papyrus, I’m fine. You’re worrying over nothing.”

  
“Sans. Yesterday I had to carry you home from Grillby’s because you fell asleep. That wouldn’t bother me so much had you not also been screaming loudly. You were thrashing and in a panic. You wouldn’t let anyone near you. Your magic flared up and I fear what might have happened had it not been Grillby next to you. He had to restrain you while someone came and retrieved me. Sans, when I picked you up you clung to me and cried. I know… I know that you hide things from me. I know that you want to protect me, but I am not a child anymore. I can keep you safe as well. That is why I train every day.” I can’t talk. I don’t know what to say. His hand grasps mine softly. “Your safety comes first.”

  
When I still do not say anything he lays me down and pulls me against him. “Sleep a little longer Sans. I will stay here the entire time for you. I will protect you from the scary things.” His arms force me against him but it’s comforting. I want to protest. Tell him that it’s best if we patrol for humans. Tell him that I’m fine. Tell him that I’m the older brother and to trust me when I say that I am fine. Tell him that I do not need him to protect me. Tell him… But I can’t say anything. He wouldn’t listen to me right now. He wouldn’t believe any of the lies. And maybe that’s another reason I’ve always loved him.

  
It’s so easy to just dodge attacks. That sometimes you forget how to take them head on.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CH 7... woo almost half way done with the already written chapters. Onward my ducklings.

I have a secret. My brother and I were made for each other. I have a secret. We are mates. I have a secret. We have never solidified the bonds. I have a secret. I’ve always kept my gender a secret. I have a secret. I have so many secrets.

  
Paps hasn’t let me out of his sight since the ‘falling asleep at Grillby’s incident’. It’s been three days. Today I finally convinced him that it’s safe to leave me alone. He went to go train with Undyne. She was pissed that he skipped three days of training. As soon as he left I headed to Grillby’s. It wasn’t quite lunch time and way past breakfast so no one was inside except for the flame elemental.  
He was the first friend we- my brother and I- made in this town. I quietly walk in and sit at my usual bar stool.

  
“…. Sans. Are you feeling better.”

  
“Yes. Uh sorry about the whole. Scene thing.”

  
“It… is fine. I asked… the others… to leave when you began screaming.”

  
“Yea. Sorry that you had to do that.”

  
“Sans… you told me something… that you would… not like me knowing.” No. No. “No one else… was inside… at the time… and you had not yet… fallen asleep. But you were… very intoxicated.” No.

  
“Heh. Well you know you can’t believe the things I say when I’m drunk.”

  
“… It is alright Sans. I… will not tell anyone… your secret… will stay safe with me.”

  
“I have to know… exactly what I told you.”

  
“…” Before he can say anything someone comes in. They look worriedly at me and then they smile softly. So they witnessed the scene. I’m still to panicked to care. What did I tell him? Is it the secret or a different one? I’m sure he can tell by my eyes how nervous I am. His eyes narrow slightly. He slides a slip of paper with my tab on it. It’s lower than it should be. The day I was last in was Tuesday. On Tuesday ladies drink for half price. He doesn’t say anything. He takes the order of the customer, then brings it to the table. I pay my tab like I do at the end of every week.

  
He returns to standing behind the bar. “… it stays between us Sans… Do not worry.” But I am. Someone else knows. Is this bad. Is it… a good thing. It could help if I have some place that I can be… myself. I leave and go to the door of the Runes. It’s been three days. I’m sure she has been lonely.

  
“I am glad you are back my friend. I was worried.” There is safety in telling your secrets to someone who doesn’t know you.  
“No one knows that I am a girl. How did you know?”

  
“Sometimes one just knows. Why do you hide it?”

  
“I just. Have always hid it. I don’t really look like a female. And I’ve hid it so long.. why bother.”

  
“Because you clearly want to be seen as a girl. But my friend for those that love you nothing will really change. They love you as you are. Something as superficial as gender will not matter to those that hold you important. It doesn’t make a difference to me. I worry for you and cherish you regardless. I’m sure your brother would feel the same. Perhaps you should tell him first. He will likely be the easiest to be honest with.” But he worries me the most. He’s all I have. If he rejected me… if I had to return to being alone. I don’t know what I would do.

  
“Thank you. I may not be able to come back for a few days. But when I do… I might need you to cheer me up again. Just in case… it doesn’t go as positive as you think it will.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fingers so tired. Onward my ducklings.

“Sans. There you are. Why are you at your sentry station. I told you. No one’s capturing humans until you are well.”

  
“Yea I just needed some fresh air. Just went for a little walk.” He’s examining me. CHECKing for anything different before he ACTs.

  
“Sans.”

  
“I’m not your brother.” His expression doesn’t change. “I’ve been lying to you.” I feel panic rising inside of me. His arms wrap around me and softly lift me up.

  
“We will be at home in a moment Sans. You can wait to tell me all of this when we are in the comfort of our home. The panic is fleeing my body. I feel myself going limp. For once my body hasn’t formed an opening for my mate. As if it knows how precarious this situation is. I don’t feel like a girl. I sure as fuck don’t look like one. No one can tell. But she -the lady in the ruins- could tell.  
We’ve entered Snowdin and the panic is returning. Every step has us closer to a fracture in our relationship. I can’t break. I can feel my soul wavering and trembling. He opens the door and I’m suppressing the urge to ‘shortcut’ away. He carries me up the stairs. His door is opened then closed behind us. I should have told him everything at my sentry station. I had already built up the courage, but not in his room. In his bed facing him. I know he can clearly see how my soul is shaking, but he hasn’t questioned me. He hasn’t said a word.

  
Directly in front of me. It’s been so many minutes but he isn’t prompting me to talk. He’s waiting patiently. A small comforting smile. The room is dark because he left the lights off. I’m thankful for that, but my eye sockets have adjusted. His eyes are faintly glowing orange and my eyes blue as a reflex.

  
“I’m not your brother. I’ve been lying to you.” I pull my knees against my ribs. I let small breasts form. It’s comforting to validate myself at this moment. “But I’ve been lying to you about many other things that are more important than what I am. For a while now I’ve been… remembering timelines. And in some of them bad things happen to you and to everyone else. During the day I can suppress them, but at night I get terrible nightmares.” I can feel small drips of liquid leak from my eyes. I lay my head against my knees and force my voice to be even.

  
I can hear him move closer and wrap boney arms around me.

  
“Sans. It might… be beneficial to discuss the dreams at length. Maybe if you do not suppress them during the day then they will not be so bad when you are trying to sleep.”

  
“I don’t know brother. I just hate thinking about those thoughts.” His arms are tighter. “But that isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about. My.. secret, it’s not important. It shouldn’t be important. When I’m seeing timelines where you are being turned to dust this should not even be on the list of things I worry over.”

  
“Just tell me Sans.”

  
“Papyrus… I’m a girl.” It’s quiet for a moment.

  
“Okay Sans.” I force myself to look up at him.

  
“What do you mean ‘okay’?”

  
“I mean that male or female. You are still Sans.” He looks thoughtful for a moment. “Should I start calling you ‘Sister’?”  
“Papyrus, this… doesn’t bother you?”

  
“Well I have known for a while now that you aren’t biologically a male, but you’ve never corrected me so I thought that was how you preferred to be viewed. I’ve called you brother and a boy since I could talk, and you never told me that you were a girl, so I just thought that you didn’t think of yourself as a girl. And regardless you’re still Sans.”  
“How.. how long have you known?” He’s thinking again.

  
“When we moved to Snowdin and you started drinking at Grillby’s. There were many nights I carried you home because you were drunk. A few times you got sick so I cleaned you up. I didn’t think anything of undressing you because I’ve known you my entire life and we are mates. And I couldn’t leave you dirty, so I would clean you up. wash the dirty clothes and redress you. I never told you because I knew you would tell me if you wanted to.”

  
“You’ve known all this time.”

  
“Is that bad? Sans, I have never had a moment without you. Were you... worried that I would not take it well?” His eyes are switching between emotions.

  
“Well ya know… I was worried that things would change... or that they wouldn’t change. And no one ever knew.”  
“Sans.” I’m being pulled against him and it just feels so nice. “You will always be my most precious person. No matter what gender you are you are still Sans. So all you need to tell me is do you want me to start calling you big sis now?” I find myself nodding slowly. When he pulls away from me he’s smiling.

  
“Papyrus, you aren’t disappointed. I mean.. skeletons aren’t exactly pretty and as far as girls go, I might be better off with people thinking I’m a guy.” The smile disappears.

  
“Sister,” I exhale at that word “you are my mate. And I find you completely adorable. I… I promise Sans… “He’s clinched his eyes shut and his mouth is pulled into a disgusted frown. “With me around you will never feel bonely.”

  
“Heh. Heh heh. But Pap you know I can be a bit of a numbSKULL.” His mouth clanks against the top of my head.

  
“That’s fine. As long as you’re my numbskull. Are you feeling better now Sans?” My mouth pulls into a smile on Its own.

  
“Yea. I’m good Pap.”

  
“Good then to celebrate, I the Great Papyrus will make delicious spaghetti for us.” He looks at me. “And then after we eat you will tell me about those time lines.” He never forgets anything.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoy my story. Onward my ducklings.

“Yes I sometimes get nightmares as well, but never to this extent.” Papyrus is sitting next to me on our lumpy couch. Our conversation is light all things considered. I let myself form small breasts beneath my baggy jacket.

  
“They get bad. It isn’t always the same, but the kid comes and bad things happen. I know they are events that have already happened.” I push the frozen spaghetti around on my plate.

  
“Well you are to sleep with me from now on so that I can monitor you while you are sleeping.” I don’t argue with him. After everything that I’ve been stressing over… he just made it so easy. I should have known he wouldn’t judge me. I feel like such an idiot worrying for so long. “Sister.” He pulls me from my thoughts. I just. I love the sound of that word.

  
“Yea bro.”

  
“Did you want to tell the others about your gender?”

  
“Maybe eventually. Grillby knows. Apparently the other night when I was drinking, I told him. I just. It took a while for me to tell you.” But honestly his is the only opinion I really care about. With the others if they have a problem with me it would sting, but if Papyrus had… it would have destroyed me.

  
“I’m just sorry I did not ask you myself. I just was so sure you would tell me if you had a problem.” His hand lays on top of mine and my body reacts appropriately for my mate. I refuse to let it show on my face. “I think it would be very good for you to tell the others.” He picks me up before I can say anything.

  
“Papyrus.”

  
“I will be right there with you Sister. You have been pretending for so long, you will feel much happier after everyone knows.” He’s carrying me to the boatman… or the boatwoman. I wonder if they feel how I felt. Or do they just not care. “Miss could you please take us to waterfall?” The figure nods.

  
“Tralala make sure to wear extra gloves when taking a bath. Tralala.” Papyrus thanks her and starts to Undyne’s house.

  
“How did you know that she was a girl.”

  
“Nyeh heh heh. I asked of course. Most mornings she takes me here and I did not know so it would have been rude to have simply not asked.” We are already to Undyne’s house. And I’m suddenly nervous. The sound of bone clanking on bone. His face is pressed against the top of my head. “You do not have anything to worry over. We all care about you.”

  
“Hey Pap. Didn’t expect you over. Sup sans.” I just nod.

  
“Undyne Sans has something to say.” Not ready. She tilts her head to the side. She’s not wearing her armor and she just exudes femininity. Her long hair is pulled back like always and she has curves… Whereas I’m just skin and bones… without the skin. “Go on Sans.”

  
“I’m a… I’m not. I’m a… I’m not.” I’m trapped in a loop. Papyrus curls his fingers against my jacket and somehow it comforts me. Undyne’s face is pulled in forced patience. “Could you tell me how to look more feminine?” Her eyes squint for a moment. “I’ve been pretending to be a male my entire life, but I’m really a girl. I don’t like being mistaken. So please teach me how to look like a girl.” Everything is quiet for a long moment.

  
“Well. I have time after Papyrus’s training lesson and before his cooking lesson. But I’m really not that girly. And there isn’t exactly rules for what is and what isn’t ‘looking like a girl’. When I wear my armor I’m mistaken for being a man sometimes, but that doesn’t define me. I’m a girl and I feel like a girl. Maybe before you ask someone to tell you their definition of femininity, you should figure out what that means to you.” I’m more relaxed. “I might mess up occasionally, but I’ll try to remember to refer to you as a chick. But uh… why did you wait so long to come clean.”

  
“Just. Didn’t know how people would take it.”

  
“Well that’s stupid. We’re your friends, like this will change anything.” Those words are almost as comforting as my mate’s hands rubbing circles in my back.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could really use a coke right about now as I upload about 21 chapters in a row. Onward my ducklings

It’s hot. I never really liked Hotland. It’s unbearably hot and skeletons can’t sweat to keep cool. I decided to go talk to Alphys by myself. Papyrus didn’t argue and just told me that we could celebrate afterword. He’s not concerned at all about our friends accepting me. He’s already sure they will.

  
I raised him. From a young age it was just us. I failed at a lot of things, but I have never let my brother’s self-esteem be bruised. Sometimes he was bullied… and I took care of it. Sometimes people would make comments about my brother… I took care of that too. We can never completely forget that we are trapped underground, but Papyrus is always so positive. If that was taken from him, I don’t think I could go on.

  
I hate Hotland. I hate the second guessing. I hate that just past Hotland is the judgement room. How many times have I killed a small child in that room? How many times have I been killed? Most timelines the human doesn’t kill everyone. Sometimes they only dust a couple monsters, sometimes the monsters are ones I’m close too. Almost never has the human refused to kill anyone.  
Most of the time I let them pass. Even if they’ve killed Papyrus. Because if I let them through they will eventually reset. And my brother will be back with me. But when they have killed everyone and the underground goes empty. The halls covered in dust. I have to kill them. Because that is the end of those timelines. In those timeline we can never be completely free. But even then. Eventually they will memorize my attacks and finish me.

  
My gender is so insignificant compared to that.

  
Outside of the lab I pause. Papyrus knows. And as long as he is not concerned over my gender… no other opinion matters. As long as he is okay with who I am.

  
“S.. Sans. I.. I did.. did not ex… expect you.” Several people know. I haven’t been met with any hostility.

  
“There is something I need to tell you. It doesn’t change anything really. But I’m not a guy. I’m a girl. I just was mistaken for a guy when I was younger and I never corrected anyone. I just didn’t know how since I hid I for so long.”

  
“W… Well I certainly do not think differently of you. I.. I.. I wi.. Will try to not accidently call you a male anymore. But I cannot be certain that I will not forget occasionally. Have you told Mettaton?” I’m not particularly close to Mettaton.

  
“No. You see him more than I do. You can tell him if you see him.” Knowing that guy he’s not going to think differently of me. This pressure. This anxiety. Why did I worry so much about telling these people? People who I know care about me… though they may not understand everything. Why was I so worried?

  
We say out good byes. We are both busy monsters after all. I could take the boat person back to Snowdin, or I could shortcut home, but I kind of like the slow pace. Occasionally I bump into a monster and we don’t pay each other any mind. It’s relaxed. I know everyone is hoping to escape. Sometimes I’m glad we are still down here. Humans are unstable. One human. One small child is enough to kill all of us. That determination they possess is unstoppable. Hundreds of millions of human. I can’t protect Papyrus from one small child. It’s crowded, but we all stand together. We all help each other. Fresh air, the sun. No of that is as important as my mate’s safety. King Asgore worries about us all going free for that reason as well.

  
When I get to waterfall I shortcut the rest of the way. Inside the house is quiet. Papyrus isn’t home. Our home is small, but it’s mostly safe. And it’s ours.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has gotten a coke. Tastes great. onward my ducklings.

It’s not much different now that everyone knows. I dress the same and I’m treated the same. I’m not sure if I’m happy about that or not. Papyrus is very much the same around me. He treats me the way he always has. But then. He’s known that I’m a girl for a long time. Looking back, he was always careful with me. He always carried me when I was too lazy or too tired to walk. He didn’t give any thought to lifting me or taking care of me. Was he doing those things because I’m a girl, his sibling, his mate, or does it have nothing to do with me. Are his actions just because he’s Papyrus? Just because he will help anyone. And does the answer really matter.

  
Now that I’m being more honest will him, he doesn’t worry so much about leaving me alone for short periods of time. He still will not let me go on sentry duty since he’s worried about my safety, but the nightmares don’t bother me every night like they did before. That being said, more than half the time I still wake up in a panic over past timelines, but it’s still an improvement. And when I do wake up Papyrus is right there. Sometimes my thrashing wakes him up. Sometimes it doesn’t. But his presence is enough to calm me down. It’s not always enough to get be back to sleep, but sometimes. Just lying in the dark beside him is enough to keep the anxiety away. For now, he’s alive. For now, the human hasn’t appeared. No one is in danger of genocide, but no one is on course to be saved from this underground either. Any day they could show up.

  
I have the house to myself since Papyrus is on sentry duty. He will be back in a couple of hours. Just because he knows about my gender doesn’t mean much has changed. Alone in my room I undress myself and form large breasts and genitals with my power. They don’t quite suit me. Under my mattress I pull out a thin box and open it. I’ve had this a long time. I made it a long time ago.  
Some fabric was thrown away and I hid it in my room. There was barely enough, but I managed to make a dress for myself in the vast moments of sleepless nights. I say that I had enough fabric for the dress, but it’s really too short to be considered a dress, and it more closely resembles a long shirt, but the effect is still the same. This was the first scrap of clothing that I felt… justified in.  
I love my jacket. I’ve had it probably longer than I should have, and it’s worn down from the continual use. But I feel comfortable in it. It’s baggy and not the most flattering, but I don’t worry about others finding out that I form breasts during the day. And it was a gift from Papyrus. Regardless of my gender I can’t leave the house without it, but in these moments when I’m alone… I enjoy wearing this short dress. The artificial breasts fill out the top well and for the moment I feel comfortable with myself. I feel beautiful. As embarrassing as that statement is. These insecurities aren’t something I enjoy thinking about, and they are not something I will likely bring up with Papyrus, but it feels good to feel attractive.

  
The dress is dark blue and almost plain. The seam work is poorly done because no one other than me will see it anyways. I can’t sit down comfortably without exposing the lower part of my pelvis bone, and it’s nearly painfully tight. But it’s the only dress I own.  
Papyrus will be back soon so I cannot stay dressed like this for too long. I enjoy the tightness of the fabric on my chest. My breasts are tightly squeezed into the thin material. I know the fabric is rough, but it feels like silk against my bones. I know that skeletons are not beautiful, but this simple dress makes me doubt that. I feel like myself. But I know this moment must end soon. I unzip the dress mournfully and package it back up. I do not want to be seen in this private moment. I redress in my normal masculine clothing and zip the jacket up around me. This jacket is a second home.

  
I go downstairs to watch mtt. It’ll keep me from returning to the previous moment. Logically I know a female wearing a dress is not embarrassing, but I haven’t been a girl for very long. It’s not a secret anymore, but it’s difficult to change one’s behavior after so long. It’s like my mind doesn’t realize, I have nothing to hide. Especially from Papyrus.  
“Hello sister. Is this episode of Mtt good?”

  
“It’s alright. Any luck capturing a human today?” I don’t know how I want him to answer.

  
“No. Not today. But I’m sure tomorrow I will capture a human.” He sits beside me and he lays his head down in my lap. I refuse to exhale. My body is aroused from earlier and having him so close is difficult. I force the small breasts to dissipate. I can’t stop the opening that was already formed before he came home.

  
“What is it Paps? You tired?” I do keep him up some nights. Maybe I should go back to sleeping in my own room. I don’t want to cause him to lose sleep as well.

  
“Not tired. You looked like you wanted me to come closer, so I did. Your lap is very comfortable Sans.” The content exhale leaves before I can stop it this time, but Papyrus doesn’t pay much attention to it. After a moment that feels to short he sits up clicks his bony teeth against the top of my head and goes into the kitchen. “The great chef Papyrus will now prepare spaghetti; you should occupy yourself for a bit. Perhaps go into your lab, you haven’t worked in there in several days and it will be good for you to not laze about.” I nod slightly.

  
“Yea. I think I will. Just come get me when it’s time to eat.” I shove my hands into my jacket pockets and walk around back. I could just ‘shortcut’ in, but sometimes I like just using up my time walking.

  
I don’t really need to, but I lock the door behind me. I flip the lights on and am surrounded by unorganized incomplete experiments. Alphy’s is the Royal scientist, but this helps me in the hours of anxiety. On the desk is a box. I reach for it. The only ones with a key to this place are me and Papyrus. Why is my throat tightening up? I open the envelope on top with my name.

  
_Sans,_  
 _Do not feel obligated in anyway, but if you are going to wear that dress you are fond of wearing when I am not home, I would prefer you wear one that fits you better. I made a dress that I think would look very lovely on you and I think it would suit your clothing tastes as well. You do not need to thank me or even mention the dress to me. I apologize for snooping and finding something you clearly wanted to keep secret, but at the time you were lying to me and I was worried. You can pretend this note doesn’t exist and I will not question you about either this note or the dress._  
 _I’m positive the dress will fit you well, and I began making this a few weeks ago when I first found the dress. At the time I did not realize that it and your anxiety were one in the same, I just thought you occasionally wanted to dress as a girl (but still felt like a male). I clearly was wrong._  
 _Sans. I do not really know how you want me to act. I still see you the same way I always have. You are my older sister. Your puns still infuriate me. I still worry when you laze about. I hate when you hide things from me. But ultimately you are still Sans. You are still my mate. I do not want you to feel ashamed or unsure of anything. I do not want you to feel as though you have to hide something from me._  
 _I worked hard on this dress. Even if you only wear it once. Even if it’s hidden from my sight. Even if you wait until I am not home to ensure I never see it. I want to give you whatever the other dress gives you. I swear I never spied on you. Even if I came home early I knew you were wearing the dress I never tried to catch you. I understand your need for privacy. But I know that your hidden dress gives you something that you don’t feel without it. And I want to give you that. Whatever it may be._  
 _Sans. You are my mate. I will always cherish you. I will always love you. We were made for each other and no matter how you change, minor or great, my love for you will not diminish. It may change shape as it needs to, but whatever role you want me to play, I will be here. As your brother, friend, or lover._  
 _I have thought long on trying to pursue a more intimate relationship with you, but I am aware that as the female, you would feel pain the first several times. And as you are aware, I am not exactly experienced. I also have not pursued a romantic relationship because I do not want you to feel obligated or pressured. I know you have the tendency to do things based upon what I want. I am no longer a child and I have explored these desires in private moments, just as I know you have. But I also worry for you right now. Though you appear more stable, I do not want to alter your progression with selfish perverted desires. You are my top priority._  
 _I will not ask you to answer any of these questions, and I will not bring these thoughts up around you. I just wanted you to know about them in a controlled way. In a way that will give you time to come to your own thoughts without any pressure put on you. I have loved only you the entirety of my life. I will continue to love you in whichever way you desire._

  
_-Papyrus_


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what's coming and soon all of you will be upset with me.

I can’t look at Papyrus while we are eating. I’m glad that there is food to distract me. His cooking has improved he hasn’t tried to serve frozen pasta in weeks. Monsters don’t really need to eat, and it’s a good thing because if I had to survive off of his cooking we would both turn to dust. He’s smiling the same way he always does. He really isn’t going to bring up the note.

  
“You are staring intently at the food. Ah yes. Great master chef Papyrus has learned that cooking the pasta makes it taste even better.”

  
“It’s pretty good Pap. You’re the coolest.” It’s true. He has his quirks, but he’s made everything so easy for me. His smile fades for a moment, before he notices and smiles harder.

  
“Sans. If I am the coolest then you are the hottest.” My shoulders tense and I take another bite to keep from talking. “You are an amazing older sister. You always protected me when we were children. When other monsters would bully me, you would stop them. If I had nightmares you would tell me bedtime stories and stay with me. When we didn’t have a home you still made me feel safe. You were always gentle and understanding with me. Anything I can do to make you feel as safe as you made me feel, I will do.”

  
“Uh… Thanks Pap.” Neither of us are eating anymore. “Are you done eating, it’s my turn to clean the kitchen.”

  
“I am done. Thank you sister. Would you like help.”

  
“No, you cooked, I can take care of it just go sit on the couch. It won’t take me long.” I can pretend nothing bothers me. I can pretend the note didn’t happen. I’ve hid things before. This is no different. I can pretend that my pelvis doesn’t practically vibrate when he’s near. Just pretend that nothing has changed until I calm down.

  
The cleaning calms me down slightly. When I finish I poke my head into the living room. Papyrus is laying down on the couch obviously asleep. Maybe I have been keeping him up. He has always been an early riser, and a good portion of nights I wake him up. But unlike me, he doesn’t go back to sleep in the mornings. He goes to training and then sentry duty. I won’t wake him. I’ll let him sleep here tonight and I’ll sleep in my room. Even if it’s just for one night. I’ll be fine. And he could use the extra sleep. His bed really is too small for both of us. We have to be pressed against each other otherwise we can’t fit. And right now that isn’t good for my hormones. I’ve been on edge lately. I just need some quiet alone time to… see to basic needs.

  
He’s asleep, and will probably stay asleep for a while. I can be quiet. And I can lock my door. And besides… there’s the dress. I haven’t looked at it. I wasn’t prepared. When I look at it, it will be like… I accept that he knows that I like dressing this way, and that the note really happened. And then I have to make a choice about what to tell him. But. I want to look at the dress. Papyrus made it. He made it for me. He thought of me while he made it. He wanted me to be happy. That’s all he ever wants.

  
I debate on kissing the top of his head. And I want to. But I don’t want to wake him. Because he needs sleep. And because I’m not myself right now. I need time to figure out which self I need to be. How I need to be around him. I go upstairs quietly and go into my room. Before dinner I ‘shortcuted’ the dress and note to my room and left it on my bed. I almost can’t bring myself to go into my own room. I’m excited. And nervous. It’s just a dress. Calm down. You are a girl and it’s just a dress. I stand outside of my door for a long length of time before I turn the knob and walk in. My room is a mess. Socks litter the floor and the bed is unmade. It’s so much different from my brother’s room. On the bed sitting innocently is the box.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 13 is my favorite number. Onward my ducklings.

It’s to girly. It doesn’t suit me. It’s a pale pink color with black lace. My glowing breasts are snug in the top and it synchs at my waist before flowing into cascades of ruffles ending at my knees. It doesn’t suit me. But the material is so soft. The seams are perfectly done. Papyrus has always been a perfectionist. He wouldn’t give a gift unless it was perfect. Wearing this makes my opening tingle.

  
Papyrus made this for me. My mate. Blue liquid slides down my legs so I hold them tightly together. I’m well past the age where I should have been intimate with him. My body has been physically capable for many years now, but I haven’t. I could never… with anyone other than Papyrus. We were created for each other. Normally two mates wait until the younger comes of age and then they… bond themselves. He’s been of age for many years. Does he leak with need like I do? He did say in the note that he explored ideas in private moments. He has sexual needs. But I’ve never seen him flustered. More leaks out of me.

  
When a female monster leaks the way I do, it means that she is ready to bond with her mate and by extension conceive a member of her species. It’s not just age though. Monsters do not become aroused for any other than their mate. Until they find their mate they have no desire for intimacy. I’ve held back desires for so long. I knew that if Papyrus and I bonded he would find out that I’m a female. And I thought that the issue would be a big deal. But it wasn’t. What reason do I have now to not bond with him? We both have the desire for it. I trust him. Why is it so difficult for me to take that small step and tell him that… I want to change our relationship entirely. Into something that neither of us have ever experienced. Something different. Something where if the human kills you, I’ve not only lost my best friend and brother, but also my mate.

  
I do want to take that step. I want him to touch me. The way that only I’ve touched me. The way I do when the desires get to thick and I feel like I’ll jump his bones. The way I am now. When I’m on my knees on my bedroom floor. With a dress that it’s to beautiful for me pooling around me. With one finger pressing in and out until I feel comfortable to add a second. With my other hand in my mouth to keep me from screaming his name.

  
I don’t have enough hands. I want to cup my breasts while fingering myself. I want to trace my fingers over my ribs. But I can’t when I’m already using both of my hands. I can’t when my fingers are finding all of the places that I wish Papyrus would find. Find with his fingers. With his tongue. With his… Neither of us are experienced. Neither of us would know how to make the other feel good. It’s best if we both just avoid the embarrassment.

  
“Papyrus. Your fingers feel good.” It’s getting hard to control myself so I shove my fist further into my mouth. I can’t afford to start screaming his name. I can only do that when I know he’s going to be gone. “But I want to scream your name Papyrus. But if I do, you’ll think that I’m in pain. So much pain. And you’ll come in. And I don’t think I could handle you seeing me like this. I can’t let you see me when your fingers are touching me down there. I can’t let you see how you make me feel. Oh.. Papyrus. Papyrus. I love you. I love you. I want you to touch me. The way only I’ve ever touched myself. I want to be drunk on you. I want to be undone. I want to bond with you so we can be real mates.” There’s a puddle under me and I’m careful to not stain the dress. “Fuck. Paps… If just my fingers are enough to make me like this. I don’t think I could handle you penetrating me. I think I’d go crazy. No. Paps. Slow down. Fingers are to fast. I don’t want to cum so soon. I want you to touch me other places. Just there is no fair. But there feels to good. I feel something snap inside me and I let the pool of liquid under me grow in size.

  
Once I catch my breath I pull myself into a standing position. I need to check on Pap. He’s still quiet, so I’m sure he’s still asleep. If he looks really out of it then I might… go again. I open my door just a crack so that I don’t have to change only to change back a moment later.

  
He’s not asleep.

  
My brother is leaning with his back to my door.

  
His shorts are pulled down.

  
And he is very much aroused.

  
“I’m sorry Sans. It wasn’t my intention of spying on you. I woke up and you weren’t anywhere, so I was sure you were in your room. I was just going to check on you, but I heard you making so many sounds. I couldn’t help it. I just became like this. And it hurt. I had to touch it.” He’s still touching himself. He’s openly stroking himself while looking me in the eye sockets. “You were just so vocal about how I was making you feel that I just sat down and started listening. You were making me feel good too.” I can’t move. I can’t pull my gaze from his pelvis and his orange leaking erection. Or the way his bony hands stoke faster when I don’t move away or close the door.

  
I can feel desire flow down my legs. I can’t stop myself from opening the door a little more so that I can get a better look at him. He doesn’t stop. He doesn’t do anything to me. He doesn’t ask me to do anything to him. His face is flushed but not from embarrassment. He even opens his legs wider.

  
“It’s only fair that you get to watch me finish since I got to hear you. I’m sorry that I’m not as vocal as you Sans. I wish I could tell you all the things I think about when I touch myself like this, but I don’t think I could say them properly. But. It’s always you.” I can’t speak. “It’s always you that I think of. Sometimes just kissing you is enough to make my body like this. But you can’t blame me for this time. How could I not get aroused hearing my mate call out for me. Hearing my mate beg me to touch her. Telling me that she loves me over and over while she loses herself.” I know my white knees are stained blue and he openly looks. “You are still leaking. I’m sorry I can’t just stop now. It’s so painful. When it gets like this It’s unbearable. It makes me want to have you, and that scares me. What if when I’m like this I get so needy that I force myself on you. I don’t want to every hurt you or pressure you, but I can’t stop Sans. Big sister, I can’t stop.”

  
He’s my mate. Going through the same insecurities and desires that I am. I kneel in the doorway and grasp the same place his hand is currently at. I have known him all his life. My sweet inexperienced mate. So unsure of himself and thinking only of me.

  
“Papyrus, I have never done this before.” He already knows that. We both do, but just saying it calms my nerves. “If I do something wrong, then I’m sorry.” I try to mimic his actions from earlier. It feels awkward in my hands. The motion feels odd.

  
“Sans, that feels nice. Can I also. Touch you between the legs.” I find myself nodding without even thinking. This is Papyrus. I can trust him with anything. He reaches under the dress and rubs outside my vagina for brief moment. “You’re leaking as much as I am.” A single digit pushes in and already it feels so much different. His finger is thicker. Longer. So much longer. He pushes it in and out with the same rhythm I stroke him. “I’m going to add a second finger Sans. I’m going to make you feel what you felt before on your own.” I find myself stroking him faster if only so his fingers with dive into me faster. “You look so beautiful Sans. Am I doing it right. Am I making you come… undone.” My body spasms when he thrusts into my hand while doing the same with his fingers. I don’t know what I notice first. My hand stained orange or Pap’s fingers stained blue and currently being licked clean. “I was right Sans, that dress does suit you.” He’s smiling gently at me.

  
“You don’t have to lick your fingers clean like that. You could just wash them.”

  
“No. I want to do this. I’ve been curious for a long time how you taste. And just in case, this is the last time I get to see this side of you, I’m not going to miss the chance of tasting you for the first time.” I don’t want this to be the last time. And I want him to taste me again. But directly. I’ve felt fingers before, but I bet his tongue would feel even better. “Sans, you are leaking again. You’ve already came twice. But I guess we technically should have become one a long time ago.”

  
“Papyrus. I want us to be lovers. I don’t want to waste any more time being unsure of what our relationship is.” He clanks our mouths together.

  
“We never wasted any time Sister. I have loved you from the very beginning. I didn’t write the note with the intention of speeding up your decision, but it seems like you have come to one.”

  
“Yes. I want us to be mates. True mates.”

  
“Just tell me when you are ready Sans.”

  
“I’m ready now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some pervy times. Am I right? But seriously... soon all of you will be very upset.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay everything is going great. Say good by to all angst... nope. Onward my ducklings.

“Sans. Are you sure. I do not want you to agree to this… to us, just because we are in the moment. Once we become one, we will not be able to go back. You will be my mate. And it might become harder for me to hold back in the future if we have already done lewd things once before.”

  
“We were made for each other. I had reasons for not pressing for a more intimate relationship, but most of them have dissolved. You’ve grown up, and you really don’t need me to protect you from everything. You know about my gender. Aside from general embarrassment and insecurities, I don’t have any reason to not change our relationship.”

  
“Sister. It will hurt. And I worry about you only having one hp. I don’t want to break you.” He legitimately worried and I just find that hilarious. When I start laughing he only tilts his head at me.

  
“Dust (1) thou worry about hurting me.”

  
“That isn’t funny Sans. You know I worry about you.”

  
“You won’t turn me to dust just by taking me to the bone zone.”

  
“I just wouldn’t be able to handle if I hurt you.”

  
“If it’s you, then I think nothing bad can happen to me. I’m not like you Papyrus. I’m not as hopeful. I don’t have as many hope-points. Not as I use to, and I will never have as many as you. My one hp is you. I don’t care so much about me. I remember so many time lines. Watching monsters you care about, turning to dusk, gets old, but you get used to it. I can never get use to watching you get turned to dust. It hurts every time. It breaks me every time. You’re all I have. I don’t have to wonder what I would do if I lost you, I already know. I’ve watched myself do it so many times. Reminds me of the movie Groundhogs Day. It’s a good movie, don’t recommend it though. Time lines where I lose you, I pretty well stop existing. Until the end. Eventually I kill myself so I don’t have to wonder when the reset will be… if there even is going to be one. I don’t move on. I don’t go on living. I know I only have one hp. But it’s the only one I need.”

  
Long bony arms wrap around me. I don’t care what anyone says about skeletons, this is the warmest hug I’ve ever gotten. I don’t need to feel beautiful or feminine. I don’t need to worry about tomorrow. Just as long as his arms don’t leave me.

  
“I understand Sans. But I would like to find at least one other thing to give you hope.”

  
“Just hold me Papyrus. That’s all I want. As long as you stay alive, you don’t have to worry about me.” At some point I realize he’s carrying me. I don’t say anything. I let my eyes close. I can trust him with anything. We are in my room. I don’t need to open my eyes to know that. He lays me on the bed and starts removing the dress. He’s gentle in every movement.

  
“Sans.”

  
“Thank you Papyrus. I’m happy. Right now I’m happy. I’m sure I’ll worry about your safety again, and I’ll have those nightmares again. But for right now, I’m not worried.” I faintly hear my brother undressing himself. Once everything is quiet he lays beside me. There isn’t any clothing to shield us from each other and yet I still keep my eyes closed. His arms lightly wrap around me, but they do no more. He holds me as if we already made love. As if he already knows me in such an intimate way that laying naked beside each other becomes natural.

  
His thumb lightly scratches over one of my ribs.

  
“Papyrus, what are you…”

  
“Could you keep your eyes closed a little longer.”

  
“Why?” I question, but I do as he asked.

  
“I just. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to see me right now. I would like to calm down before I begin touching you.” I open my eyes. Both of my brother’s eyes are glowing a vibrant orange. His eyes are narrow. Observing me. He looks hungry. “This is all new to me Sans.” Instinctively my left eye glows blue in response to him.

  
“Same with me.” We both already this about each other, but just saying it out loud is comforting.

  
“Sister, I feel like I may not be able to control myself. I’m afraid that if I start touching you and you want me to stop that I will not be able to.”

  
“Brother. If you did start touching me, I doubt I would want you to stop. I’ve wanted this… for a while. I just thought, it would be better if we stayed in a relationship that we were familiar with. And I didn’t know how you would react to me being a female. Papyrus, I’ve down… perverted things while thinking about you. More than what you saw earlier.”

  
“I have not been completely innocent either. Some nights when I know you are asleep next to me, I touch myself. I try to stop. But it’s difficult to be right next to you and not become aroused. There are times when I carry you that I get an erection. I try to hide it, but it just starts feeling painful. I hate that you have bad dreams, but because you do, I get to sleep next to you. It makes me happy to wake up beside you. And I know that I should hope that you never have bad dreams again, but I don’t want you to go back to sleeping in your room. I don’t want to wake up and not be beside you.” His thumb is rubbing circles on my hip. I know I should be nervous over being naked beside him, but this is Papyrus. Since he was created, we have never been apart.

  
“If you don’t want me to go back to sleeping in my own bed, then I won’t. But you have to promise me something. If a human comes along… and they seem odd. Don’t fight them. Don’t let me lose everything.”

  
“I can’t promise that Sans. What if the human just needs someone to believe in them? If they have someone that they know believes they can do better. Then maybe they wouldn’t hurt anyone anymore.”

  
“Papyrus please.”

  
“I’m sorry Sans. You know I can’t promise that.”

  
“I can’t see you turn to dust again!”

  
“I might be able to stop them from turning many other monsters to dust. I can’t just let them continue without trying to stop them.” His thumb is no longer rubbing against my hip. I’ve stood up and grabbed my clothes. “Sans. Where are you going?”

  
I ‘shortcut’ away not even bothering to dress first. The lab is deserted. It was his lab. The place both Papyrus and I were created. So much happened in this place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) it was suppose to be a play on words... making up puns is difficult.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to destroy your happiness. onward my ducklings

I hated this place. But also. I loved it here. So much happened here. Gaster. I never thought of him as my father so much as my creator. We were made from his DNA, so in a way we are also him. He wasn’t really mean, but he wasn’t particularly kind either. Mostly because he didn’t have time. He was a busy man. I helped him in any way I could. In those six years before Papyrus was created for me, the only monster in my world was Gaster.

  
We never left the lab. Sometimes he would have monsters bring him things, but I never saw them. I never cared to. I was never a child. The royal scientist had no need for an assistant that he would have to care for. I was about ten when I was created. He told me my age was a rough estimate because since I was not born the normal way he could only gage my age based on my size, intellect, motor skills and other minor tests. I could have just as easily been seven or thirteen. Not knowing my age never really bothered me. I existed. And that was enough.

  
I sit down on the dirty floor still not bothering to dress myself. No one is here now. I asked Gaster why he made me and he said that I was created from his left hand to be a weapon. To protect the king. To protect the underground. I took that role seriously. I was a hard worker. I trained myself hard so that I could use my magic with ease. When I wasn’t training I helped Gaster with research or experiments. He worked endlessly trying to find alternate ways of escaping the underground. Finding ways to grow food with little to no sunlight. Finding ways to make use of the little we had available. I admired him. Sometimes it was lonely. I just didn’t realize it at the time.

  
I was busy. Getting stronger, trying to save all the monsters. Wanting everyone to be happy. I was determined to save everyone. At the time, I had seventeen HP. When he wasn’t busy, he would train with me. One of the times he did, I was injured. My right eye was no longer able to glow blue. He didn’t mean to injure me, but we were never able to heal it. And my magic-though still powerful- diminished.

  
He didn’t think of me as a female. But he didn’t think of me as a male. I was just an assistant. He gave me fabric and told me to make clothing for myself. I made a lab coat. I wore things similar to what Gaster wore. I didn’t think about gender. I don’t even know If I realized at first that I was a female. There were only two of us. And we were both monsters. One day when he deemed his work done, we sat down and drank tea together. He asked me if I was happy. It was such an odd question. I didn’t know how to answer. I was too busy to know.

  
I spent the first part of my life in these walls. He asked if I was lonely. I told him If I was it wouldn’t matter. He nodded as if that answer told him everything. He told me that he could use more help. So he was going to create a monster from his right hand. The monster would be my responsibility. I asked him, if I was a weapon then what would this new monster be. He said a shield. Someone to protect me. I didn’t understand. I was strong even if my magic was only half as powerful after the accident. I didn’t need a shield. He said that he failed when he created me. That I was too much like him. Too cynical. Too willing to let the ends justify the means. I needed someone by my side who could always look forward with a hopeful mind. Someone who will never stop fighting. I didn’t understand. I was strong. Why would I ever stop fighting? But I did. I understand now. How did he always know these things?

  
I knew Papyrus wouldn’t agree to avoid the human. If he finds a human, he will try to capture it. He doesn’t know what the king will do with it, and I still can’t bring myself to tell Papyrus. If a human comes by, Papyrus will try to be friends with it. Even if the human’s hands are covered in dust, Papyrus will still try to help the human be kind. Papyrus is strong. But to trusting.  
“What’s the point in fighting. You tell me Gaster. Why the fuck did you create him? To be a shield. To protect me. What’s the point in having a shield if he’s just going to be destroyed?” I lay on the floor and my white bones are being stained gray from the dirt that has accumulated over the years. Papyrus was created. I think he was about six when he was created. He was notably younger than I was. The first time I held him both of his eyes glowed orange. I tried to glow back, but only my left was able to. Papyrus in his first moments of life leaned forward and kissed my injury.

  
Then Gaster fell into the void. And I knew that Papyrus and I could not stay here. I worked hard to find us a home. I tried to be honest with him as much as I could, but I couldn’t most of the time. I was able to find some jobs in the capital just because I was created by the royal scientist. It was difficult to get by. But with Papyrus, I didn’t mind. I was determined to make him happy. To keep him safe.

  
I have to get out of this place. It only stressed me out being here. I dress myself before ‘shortcutting’ again. I’m near the ruins. I knock, but there is no answer. It is late. By now she would be asleep, but it was worth a shot. I walk back to Snowdin slowly. I’ll apologize to Papyrus. I can’t be angry because he’s doing what’s in his nature. I’m calmer now. I’ll talk with him. Ask him to be careful. Tell him to not be alone with the human at least. If I’m by his side, I can protect him. I can be his weapon. I know Papyrus would never kill anyone. I’ve had to it isn’t pleasant. I don’t want to, but if I have to kill in front of Papyrus, then I will. If it’s to keep him safe. The ends do always justify the means.

  
It’s late and Snowdin is empty. I debate stopping by Grillby’s but I don’t want to waste any more time. I need to talk with Papyrus.  
Outside our house I stop. A scrap of red fabric sitting on top of a pile of dust. I don’t scream at first. I don’t cry. I feel the snow on my knees. My bony fingers grip at the dust trying to keep the wind from blowing anymore of it away. I rake it in my fingers and cup the scarf to my chest. I feel the pain before I feel the sadness. Why were shields made to be broken. Why can that human not just leave my happiness alone. I scream out my anger. I scream out all of the pain and tears.  
I wake up. Alone in my bed. Papyrus is shaking me.

  
“Sans, you were screaming. Are you alright. I’ve been worried about you. You seem to be having nightmare quite a lot. I had to carry you home from Grillby’s last night because you feel asleep. I wouldn’t have minded so much, but you started screaming in your sleep. Grillby had to ask someone to come get me.” It was just another timeline. How long. When did the dream start. Sometimes they are so immersive. What does Papyrus know. What was a dream. Grillby’s?

  
“Papyrus. Can I ask you something? It might sound a little crazy.”

  
“Sure brother.” I have my answer. Fuck.

  
“No. Never mind. I forgot what I was going to ask.”

  
“Sans. I have been worried about you. Please tell me what’s wrong.” I can’t talk right now. I need to sort out what did and what didn’t happen. Once I wake up a bit more, it’ll be easier.

  
“Nothing Papyrus. Just a bad dream.”

  
“Brother. I’m going to go on sentry duty to look for humans, when I get back we will talk about this. I will give you time to think.” I grab his sleeve before he has time to walk away.

  
“Don’t go.”

  
“Sans?”

  
“Please don’t go.” Everything is to raw. We were going to be mates. We were so close. “Don’t go.” I can’t stop crying. I didn’t cry when I saw the dust; it’s all catching up. I can still protect this one. That’s why I had that dream right. So that I could protect him this time. “Papyrus please don’t go. Don’t leave me.”

  
“Brother, I will only be on sentry duty.”

  
“No. Stay here.” He’s trying to calm me, but I can’t be calmed. “Please don’t call me your brother. I’m a girl. You already know right. You already know.” His eyes widen a bit.

  
“Yes. I know. I’m sorry Sans. I just thought that you felt like a male is all. You never told me. I didn’t know it bothered you. I just thought you would tell me if it did. Has it been bothering you all this time? I should have asked. How could the great Papyrus not think to ask?!” His eyes are glowing orange and my one eye glows blue in response. He kisses my broken right eye just like he did the first time we met. I grab him and clank our mouths together. I’m not losing him this time. His face glows slightly orange.

  
“Papyrus. I have a lot that I need to talk to you about. About things that we’ve done, and things that might happen. I’ll tell you everything if it means protecting you.”

  
“Sans, I haven’t seen you this determined since I was a child.” He’s smiling wide.

  
“The things I’m going to tell you. You aren’t going to like them. But please. Please.” My arms wrap around myself. “Don’t die again.” He’s confused, but he still wraps his arms around me.

  
“Sans I don’t really understand what you are talking about. I’m alive. What do you mean die again?”

  
“Papyrus.” I’m openly crying. “We were going to be mates. We were so close. We did things with each other. Intimate things.” His face is orange again. “It was all real, but it wasn’t real for me. For us. It was a different us. An us that didn’t get to be together. For a while now. I’ve had dreams of past timelines. So many of them you are killed by a small human child. Sometimes they are nice. Sometimes they save us from the underground, but most of the time, they kill you. And sometimes they kill me too. But when they don’t. I kill me. Because I can’t be in a world without you. It’s to empty. To too lonely.”

  
“Sans. I don’t want you to hurt.”

  
“Then you have to swear to me. I know you will not break a promise you make to me. Swear that if you find a human… you will not fight them. Please.”

  
“But Sans. The human could be friendly. And even If they are as unstable as you say, then they will need me to believe in them.”

  
“I NEED YOU. You said in the other timeline that I was your first priority. If you fight them they could kill you. I need you.” His bony arm is wrapped around me. “If you are going to fight the human, then please. Tell me. I want to be right there. Can you at least promise me that. Promise that you will not fight the human without me being there beside you.”

  
“If that will make you feel better Sans, then I promise. The timeline you saw must have really…” He’s scowling “Rattled your bones.”

  
“It’s the first timeline I’ve seen where I told you that I was a girl and be almost became true mates. You wrote me a note telling me how you wanted to make our relationship more intimate, but you didn’t want to put pressure on me, and you made me a dress.” He stands and leaves the room before I can finish. He rushes back in almost as quickly as he left.

  
“This dress. I was wondering how to give it to you. I was making it because…” he pauses.

  
“You saw the dress under my bed.” He nods almost ashamed. “I know. It’s okay Papyrus. Yes, that’s the dress that you made for me. But this one is for this me.”

  
“And the note… how did you respond to the note. You said that we did… intimate things in that timeline… so that means… you wanted us to be have a relationship like that. Right?”

  
“Papyrus. I’ve wanted to be intimate with you since you came of age. I was so happy when you touched me the first time, but that wasn’t my timeline. The me in that timeline couldn’t save you. Please don’t let the same thing happen in this one. Don’t do that to me again Papyrus.”

  
“I won’t Sans.” His mouth clanks against the top of my head. “I’ll do everything I can to stay safe for you. I won’t make you go through that again.”

  
“You swear. You promise me that if you see the human you will not fight them without me at least being there.”

  
“I promise Sans.” I can save this one. I can keep this Papyrus alive. “Sans. Could you. Could we…. Kiss again?” The question is so innocent. So warm that all of the tension leaves my body.

  
“Yes Papyrus. As long as you keep your promise we can kiss for many years to come.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned how tedious posting on this site is (granted I'm mass posting like 20 of them). Onward my ducklings

I have a secret. I have a list. In my lab, I keep hidden a list of the timelines I have seen. How often we make it to the surface. How often we stay trapped. How often my brother dies. It would be too complicated to keep track of everyone’s death tally, and really… a world without Papyrus might as well be void of all life. It feels that way at least.

  
I keep this list hidden. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have it, but I think it’s the only thing keeping me from going insane. I need to remind myself that the human is not always homicidal. Sometimes… they are like a close friend. Like part of the family. How can it be the same human child? The dreams I have are often very immersive. Because they happened to a different me. Because they did happen.

  
There is a timeline where my brother and I were so close to becoming mates. He touched me so gently. He held me so protectively. He loved me as a man loves a woman. Sometimes I forget that, that wasn’t my timeline. He didn’t touch me gently. He didn’t hold me protectively. It was another me. And Papyrus and I… are not them.

  
I don’t mind the underground. If I had to stay trapped down here with Papyrus for the remainder of our lives, I would be content. I truly am happy as long as he’s alive. If I can never kiss him, if I can never hug him, if I can never be intimate with him, that’s fine as long as he’s alive. As long as I have him to show me that there is something past all the trees.  
Life is a barrage of pain eclipsed by brief moments of happiness.

  
I don’t mind waking up every morning from nightmares as long as I have Papyrus to grimace at my bad puns.  
How do I know that I’m real right now? What if I’m just another dream for a different Sans. What if another version of me wakes up in a cold sweat because my Papyrus is turned to dust? No. Don’t think like that. He swore to me. He wouldn’t fight the human… without me being there. It’s a start. I don’t want to kill ya kid, but in this world… it’s kill or be killed. If it was just me you wanted to hurt, then that’s fine. But being without Papyrus. It’s torture. And I know torture.

  
Gaster’s attacks are torture. Training with him made me strong. He never held back. He didn’t have the time to. Dodge or become injured. I got pretty good at dodging. I was created from him to be a weapon. To destroy you. I will protect Papyrus. Even if I have to kill in front of him. He wouldn’t understand. He’s never hurt anyone. He’s soft. And sweet. He’s too pure for this world of death. He doesn’t know what I’m capable of. That scares me.

  
“Sans. What are you doing in here? It’s late.” I didn’t expect him to come into my lab.

  
“Just. Couldn’t sleep.” I should have known Papyrus would check on me. He’s picked me up and as usual, my magic forms an opening for him. That timeline affected me more than I would like to admit. It’s harder for me to remember. We aren’t… intimate. I think part of him wants to be. He carries me into his room.

  
“Please sleep with me Sans.” I can feel my face turning blue before he stammers an apology. “I mean beside me. In bed. Maybe you won’t have a nightmare if you sleep next to the great Papyrus. I didn’t mean anything… lewd by what I said.” I know he didn’t. Papyrus would never say that to me.

  
“You don’t have to worry about me Papyrus.” His eyes narrow slightly.

  
“I did not think it is a requirement to worry about you Sister. I simply do not have the control over that. You are someone very precious to me, I cannot help but worry.” He presses against my shoulders and then curls against my side. A blanket is pulled over both of us. “Do you have enough Sans? I do not want you to be cold.” The side that he is pressed against nearly burns from his heat. The warmth is pleasant and comforting.

  
“I’m not cold Papyrus.” He smiles.

  
“Good. Now please try to sleep.” I don’t know how long I’m lying beside him before he drifts off to sleep, but the moment that I know he’s deep in his dreams I turn on my side and press against his ribcage. This position can be blamed on moving in our sleep, but right now. I just want to be held by my mate. I fist the fabric of his shirt in my hands. As long as I don’t let go… he can’t be hurt. Arms lock securely around me. “It’s okay now Sans. You can sleep. Let me protect you. I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to be afraid of sleeping. If I have to stay with you every night, then I will.” I know you will. I’ve seen you do just that. “Sleep now Sans.” I do as my mate asks.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done (mass posting that is) Onward my ducklings.

I wake up beside him. He’s sleeping soundlessly, but I need to leave. There is something I have to do. As long as he’s asleep, he will be fine for a bit. I ‘shortcut’ away.

  
I walk all around Snowdin. It’s still early. Mostly everyone is asleep. I walk to waterfall and use the bridge seeds to get to the bench. No one really comes here. I like the quiet. Gaster made Papyrus to be my mate. To be my shield. To protect me. To keep me stable. Papyrus is my responsibility. When he was created, and Gaster fell into the void, I had to find a way to help Papyrus and I survive.  
“I just wasn’t ready for the responsibility.” I did a lot of bad things so that Papyrus and I could survive. Things I’m not proud of. I am a weapon. But I will not let Papyrus be a shield any longer. I shortcut to King Asgore. He’s watering flowers in the throne room.

  
“Sans. It is quite early. Is there something you needed to discuss? Has another human fallen down?”

  
“No. Not yet.”

  
“My wife, the queen. Has something happened with her.”

  
“She is still safe.” Yes. The lady who knew my true gender is the kind queen. The queen who asked me to not hurt any human that comes through. Thus far I’ve kept my promise to her. And I’ve kept my promise to the king. He asked that I judge the human. I am a weapon. “I want your word.”

  
“About what Sans.”

  
“My brother. We are both on sentry duty. Any human that falls into the underground will have to go through Snowdin. My brother could never harm anyone, but if I feel he is in danger… I am prepared to kill the human. If that happens… I will either succeed or fail. If I fail, and Papyrus attempts to fight the human, then he will also die, but I want your word that you will do everything in your power to give him a safe and happy life. If I succeed, then I have little doubt that I will not be able to face Papyrus. He doesn’t know about the other humans I have had to judge. The other humans that I have aided in killing. I will not face him if he knows the amount of blood on my hands. I do not want him to see me for what I am.” A weapon. “I want your word that he will be safe. He has enough friends where if I were to disappear that he eventually would be fine. I want you to assure me that you will see to that.”  
“I understand. Sans… would it really be so bad if your brother knew about your past.”

  
“I have killed humans and monsters alike. Sometimes at your instructions… sometimes of my own violation. There is justification for everyone I have injured, but the facts don’t change. I’ve had both blood and dust on my hands. The most Papyrus has had is pasta sauce. I’d rather his view of me to not be tainted. I’m not a good person. I’m not hero. I’m just a weapon.” I don’t speak of my past. And the few people who know about it… would never bring it up around Papyrus.

  
“You have had to fight for the sake of the underground. After all you are captain of the royal guard.”

  
“No. Undyne is.” That’s what King Asgore and I decided. Officially… Undyne would be the captain of the royal guard. It keeps me from having to get my hands dirty as often. But there have been times that she couldn’t cut it. Sometimes… in order to protect the underground… you need a warrior that no one expects. Just a lazybones with almost no HP. Someone who has little determination. But. If someone’s put themselves in a position where they’re my target… well… they’re in for a bad time.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nearing what I have finished.

I’ve been avoiding Papyrus for two days now. Leaving the house early. Staying away for the entirety of the day. Not coming back until I’m sure Papyrus has gone to sleep. I’ve been staying close just in case he’s in trouble, and I’ve been leaving notes so that he knows that I’m safe. Just two… maybe three more days and I’ll be able to go back to normal.

  
Papyrus and I haven’t progressed our… level of intimacy. He hasn’t tried to touch or kiss me in any sexual way and I haven’t to him. Since I woke up from the dream about… that timeline, and kissed him and told him all of the things that I saw… we haven’t… done anything. I don’t know how I feel about that. It’s been three days since then. I declined sleeping in his bed after the first night. The next morning, I woke up in a puddle of… well… of desire. So I wrote a note and hid for the day. Today is my second day of hiding.  
It happens about once a year. The amount of days varies. This is the fourth year that I’ve gone into heat because this is the fourth year that my mate is of age. It’s difficult to be around him, and I know from the first time I went into heat… I could trigger his heat. The first year he was of age to consummate our bond I went into heat. He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to experience his first heat. Regardless of his age, he wasn’t emotionally ready.

  
The first time I went into heat… it triggered his. He grabbed me in a daze. His hands grabbed at my ribs and backbone. I could feel his soul vibrating. He didn’t understand. I could feel his erection press against me, but he was panicking. He couldn’t control himself. I was scared. Afraid for him to do something that he didn’t want to do. Something that he didn’t understand. Something that… despite my age… I wasn’t ready for. I left. Hid out in the lab. Left my brother to… discover these desires for himself. When I felt I would be safe in the house, I returned. Papyrus was still in the middle of our living room where I left him. Curled in a tight ball. Orange liquid covering him. He didn’t move when he saw me-too tired from continual masturbation, but I noticed his body respond to my presence. I sat a book beside him and explained that we couldn’t be around each other for a few days. I told him that after a few days I would answer any questions he had, but for now the book would have to do. The book is how I learned about a monster’s heat, and mates. I was willing to talk to him once he came down from his dazed state. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about these… changes… all I had was the book. I was going to put my embarrassment aside. He wasn’t going to have to worry about what was normal… what wasn’t. I wasn’t going to leave him to fumble confused. We never talked about it.  
I avoid him every time I go into heat now. He doesn’t question it. Just like I don’t question him when there’s a stretch of three to five days that he locks himself in his room. We aren’t ourselves when we go into heat. Control is difficult. In a few days I will be able to be around him again.

  
Most of the time I hide out in my lab. Papyrus knows where I’m at, but doesn’t bother to check on me. He knows what will happen if he gets to close. I can’t be around anyone when I go into heat. My dark shorts stay soaked through. The stains are troubling, so sometimes I just lay on the ground in only my jacket. This is my safe place. I can’t stop the desire that leaks from me. I can’t stop my soul from vibrating. Desperate to be caressed. Once it’s late enough I dress and walk around the house. Inside Papyrus is sitting on the couch. I back into the door. Ready to leave before I affect him. But he holds up his hand to stop me.  
“Sans. I need to speak with you.” Fuck. Don’t talk. The front of my shorts is already staining blue and my juices are trickling down my legs. He stands up and walks closer to me. His cheek bones are already tinged orange.  
“Papyrus. You know what’s going on with me. You know what’ll happen if you get much closer. I’ll go back to my lab. I’ll sleep there tonight.”

  
“We both know it’s impossible to sleep when we are in heat. It’s okay Sans.” He keeps stepping closer. He pauses, exhales shakily and clinches his eyes for a moment then continues closer. I freeze when he pulls me against him. His shoulders are tense, but he makes no other movement. I can feel his erection press against my ribs. He notices, pulls back then kneels in front of me to grasp me again. When he’s on his knees, we are on the same level. “Sans. It’s okay. This isn’t like the first time I went into heat. I’m not… I won’t hurt you. I can control myself.” His breathing is ragged. “I won’t force myself on you. I promise Sans. I can control myself.” He assures me again. “I don’t want to scare you.”

  
“Papyrus. Just. Tell me what you needed to say. Just hurry. Please.” I’m holding my legs tight together. He doesn’t bring it up. I need to be alone. I need to. Satisfy these urges. So I need my room. My room with the locked door. A quiet place where I can ride out the worst of my heat... alone. Like I’m used to.

  
“I’m afraid to touch you.” His arms tighten around me. They hold me firmly against him. His voice vibrates against my shoulder.

“The first time I went into heat; I couldn’t control myself. I wanted to do things that I didn’t understand. And for the first time. You looked so small. I’ve never thought of you as smaller than me. But when I grabbed you, I could see how afraid you were. You were so small. And I didn’t want you to be afraid, but something inside of me wanted to push you down and do so many things that I didn’t understand. Even though I’d never want you to be afraid. Especially not of me. But I still wanted to touch you more. I still do.”

  
“Papyrus, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal.” His fingers scratch against the back of my head and it’s comforting. I’m painfully aware that I’m pinned between my brother and the door. I could ‘shortcut’ away, but I think it would break him if I left.

  
“Yes it is Sans. The first time I ever saw you small, I was going to exploit it. You were small. And I realized for the first time how much bigger than you I am. I became afraid to touch you. Every time I go into heat, I lock my door and hide. If I stay far enough away from you then I won’t force myself on you. I read that book. So many times.” He goes completely quiet and still for a long length of time. I know it’s difficult for him to control himself. “And I know you Sans. You would forgive me no matter what I do. You can never say no to me. Even when we were small and you would be tired. If I asked you to read me a story, you would every time. If I asked to sleep in your bed, you’d agree every time. You didn’t want me to be a sentry… I understand why now, but still. You helped me. Because that’s what I wanted.”

  
“You’re my brother.” Isn’t that a good enough reason.

  
“But it’s more than that Sans.” He’s lets out a low groan. “That first time I went into heat. If I would have forced myself on you. Even if I hurt you. Even if I touched you selfishly. You would have forgiven me.” I can’t deny that. “And any time after that. If I told you how badly I wanted to touch you. Even if it was something you didn’t want. You would have agreed.” I can’t deny that either. “Even if you were afraid. Even if you didn’t want me to touch you in those ways. You would have let me. I can’t tell you how badly I desire to touch every part of you Sans. I want to touch you, but I want you to want me to touch you. I think you do.” He’s breathing heavily. “I think you want me to touch you in lewd ways. I always wonder how you taste. I wonder if I can make you feel good when all it takes is simple thoughts of you to make me feel warm inside. I wonder what it would feel like to…” He moans lowly and pulls apart from me to wrap his arms around himself. “Sorry. I’m sorry.” His eyes are dull and dazed. “I won’t. I promise. I won’t force myself on you.” He’s lying on the floor on his side. Both of his hands come down to cup between his legs. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Don’t be afraid Sans. I’m not going to lose control. I promise. You are so small. I can protect you too Sans. I will protect you. I’m not going to be something that you have to be protected from. That’s what I wanted to say. You don’t have to be afraid of me. You don’t have to avoid me anymore. I will not allow myself to violate you.” He’s palming himself outside of his clothing. It feels so cold without him pressed against me.

  
“Papyrus.” I kneel close to him.

  
“Sans. Don’t come any closer. No. I mean. Just. Give me a moment. I’m still in control. Just give me a moment.” He’s fighting all of his instincts. “I don’t want you to have to worry about me controlling myself.” He’s doing all of this for me. I know how difficult it is to be in heat.

  
“Thank you.”

  
“I promise.” I know how difficult it is to be confused and desperate… and not know what you want so desperately. I know what it’s like to only have a book to tell you things that are so new. How ‘not enough’ it is.

  
“Thank you.” I lay down beside him. “Papyrus. I’m not afraid. Not of you.” I press against his rib cage. “I want to do those kind of things with you. And I know that I can trust you. I know that it’s HARD when you’re in heat.”

  
“Sans, is now the time for such bad puns.”

  
“CUM on Papyrus, you don’t have to be such a DICK about it.”

  
“It’s okay that you are nervous Sans.” He sighs. “And if you have to make terrible puns to make you more relaxed then the great Papyrus will tolerate them.”

  
“Thanks Papyrus.” His hips jerk and I feel him. Even through the layers of clothing, I can still feel him.  
“No. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

  
“It’s fine Papyrus. You’re doing great at controlling your urges. I’m not afraid of you Papyrus.” My own hips press against his and both of us shiver. “Never of you. You are my brother and my mate. I was scared. The first time I triggered your heat. You didn’t know what I am. And you didn’t understand what you wanted. I was afraid that I would lose you. I was afraid that somehow, I wouldn’t be good enough. But not of you. Never of you.”

  
“Is… is it okay then. That I love you. Is it okay that I want… to do all kinds of lewd things to you… with you?”

  
“It’s normal for you to want to do intimate things with your mate.” He presses his face against my shoulder.

  
“I meant… Can I do those things to you. If you want to… and I want to… then can we. Please Sans.”

  
“Papyrus. You might be saying these things because of the heat.” His arms have returned around me.

  
“No Sans. I’ve wanted to have you for a long time. The heat… it makes me not as nervous. Not as embarrassed to say these things. I want you the same amount. I want to show you how much I love you. I want to show you how beautiful you are. I want to touch you in ways that no one else ever has. I want for us to be bonded. If you aren’t ready… then I understand… and I will continue to control myself. I don’t want you to agree just because I want you too. I can wait. A year. Two. Forever if I need to. I can wait. But. Don’t wait because you are afraid I’m not ready. Or afraid that you wouldn’t be good enough. Ohhh… Just. I’m sorry. Just give me a moment.” His voice is coming out raspier. Lower pitched. I feel his teeth sink down into the bone on my shoulder. Fuck…..

  
“Nnnn.” My knees lock shut, but it’s too late. It snaps. The coil inside of me. No matter how tightly I force my legs together I can’t stop myself from cumming. I can’t stop my pelvis from pushing forward. I can’t stop my fingers from grabbing his arms to steady myself. I can’t stop the pool of lust that both of us are now sitting in. “Fuck. Fuck. Paps. I’m sorry. I… you bit me… and…”  
“So beautiful.”

  
“Papyrus?”

  
“I’m sorry. It would seem that I don’t have as much control as I thought. I… I’ll go to my room. I’m sorry. But I… if I keep looking at you… the way you look now… I’ll end up kissing you. And if I kiss you, I will want to do more.” He shifts away from me. Restraining himself is taking a toll of him. He’s straining himself. I grab his arm. “Sans. I do not want to pressure you, but I don’t have the control I thought I did. Please let me go Sister.”

  
“Papyrus… I’m ready. I’m anxious… but I’m ready.”

  
“Sans are you sure?”

  
“Come of Paps. Of course I am. Can’t you see right through me. Since it’s you… I know it’ll be okay.” He picks me up. He doesn’t pay any attention to my cum seeping though the material of my shorts.

  
“I’ll be gentle with you Sans.” He opens his door and places me on the bed.

  
“Papyrus. You might… want to do this in my room. Your bed will get dirty.” His magic is concentrated in his mouth and he forms a tongue. He sucks at my stained shorts. His hands carefully, but firmly force my legs apart.

  
“It’s fine mate. Don’t worry about something so unimportant right now. Such a beautiful blue.” His orange tongue licks at my opening through the shorts. The material is thin enough that I can feel the warmth but thick enough where the pressure isn’t enough. “This is the last time I’ll ask. Are you sure you want to do this Sans? I will not be upset. But we are both in heat. Soon. You won’t be coherent enough to object, now is the time to stop me.”

  
“I want this Papyrus.” He smiles at me softly and clanks his teeth against the top of my head.

  
“I will try to stay in control of my actions for as long as I can… so that… I can be gentle for you. If… If I hurt you…”

  
“It’s fine Papyrus.” His fingers hook into my shorts and pull them down. “It’s fine.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was looking forward to writing this chapter since the very first one. Onward my ducklings.

“Papyrus, I don’t think I can bend that way.” My knees are pressed into my rib cage. The discomfort is tolerable, but it’s difficult to keep this position. I relax my legs against Papyrus’s hold. He doesn’t mind. He just holds my legs in whichever position he desires. Slightly spread and pressed into me. I can easily see a long orange tongue pressing into… areas. He pulls away with a shaky breath before returning his tongue inside of me. It’s overstimulating. Especially while in heat. I’ve already came since he began, but he hasn’t stopped. “Pappy. That’s. That’s good enough. You can do other things. You can... you know penetrate me.” He looks at me.  
“No. Not yet. Soon though.” He lowers one of my legs and removes his hand. One finger presses inside of me. “I want you to be in as little pain as possible.” His fingers are slow. To slow. “This is our first time. I want it to be perfect.” Just like Papyrus. Mental note… if it hurts like hell bear with it. The heat is clouding my mind further. Wanting to skip any foreplay. Wanting to be touched much deeper inside. The way his pelvis bone is trembling, I know the heat is telling him the same thing. But true to his word… he’s forcing himself to stay in control. So cool. “Sans?” His middle finger rubs just outside of my vagina before pushing in slowly.  
“Yes Papyrus.” I’m so tired. Not sleepy tired. His cheeks are glowing orange.

  
“When I… bit you. You came. Do you like being bitten sister? Or was that just the heat?”

  
“I. I like it.” He smiles, and that bright smile is enough to make up for the embarrassment.

  
“What else do you like mate?” Fuck… don’t just call me that. “I want to know everything that makes you feel good. I want to be able to please you.” I’m already sold on telling him everything. I just don’t know what to tell him. Even the biting… that was new. Desires… kinks… I never explored anything in detail.

  
“I don’t know.” His eyes narrow briefly. They look at me with some strange expression, but I know he believes me. He knows I’m not just shrugging off his question.

  
“That is alright my mate. We can learn together.” He pulls all of his fingers out… I flush at his fingers that are now stained blue. He’s undeterred. His hands slide under my arms and lift me in habitual ease. In his lap I can feel… him rubbing against me. His clinching his eyes trying to regain his control. A bony hand grips mine and pulls it to the humming orange soul. His hand doesn’t linger on mine and once he is content that I will not release his soul, he cradles mine.

  
His hands are so warm around my nervous soul. Calm and comforting. I enjoy the feel of his soul in my hands. So much trust. Soul fondling isn’t uncommon, but so soon. Even before sex… he… he’s letting me touch he most sensitive spot. And without any resistance I’m letting him touch mine. The way he fondly stokes my soul encourages my magic to flare around us. My eye glows blue. He smiles and glows orange in return.

  
“You have my soul Sans. And I have yours. I will be careful with your soul. I know how fragile it is. I know how shy it is. I’m going to enter you now Sans, but I’m not going to let go of your soul. I’m going to keep it in my hands. That’s the only place I know it will always be safe.” My magic flares without my instructions and for once it feels good to just… drop all control. I scream when he enters me before biting back any pained noise. “Don’t hide your pain Sans. I need to know.”  
“It’s fine. Don’t hurt that bad. You can keep going.” Fuck it hurts. Feels like I’m being ripped in half. But he’s been holding back for so long. Forcing himself to ignore his instincts. An orange tongue traces the shape of my cheek.  
“You are crying Sans. It’s okay. I won’t move yet.” The strain of not moving is clear on his face, but he distracts himself by planting soft kisses on my soul.

  
“Oh..”

  
“You never show your soul to anyone. You keep it hidden and protected. But I can protect It for you. Doesn’t it feel good know that I can protect your soul. Doesn’t it feel good to know you don’t have to hide yourself.”

  
“Yea… good. Feels good.” He smiles at me. I let my hands grasp his pelvis to pull him forward. Deeper into me. It still hurts.  
“Oh. Wowie. That feels… really nice.” His eyes are glazed over. Any control he might have had is gone. I knew it would fail sooner or later. But it’s okay. I’m ready now. He can follow his instincts because I know his instincts are all to keep me safe. To love me. Even in the most basic sense of the word. He slides out easily and I can still feel where he was. I hear the scraping of our bones together. But no matter how fast or hard he enters me, his hands affectionately cradle my soul. They never squeeze. They never become frenzied.

  
When my magic forms breasts one of his hands curiously touches the new ‘flesh’ but the other never leaves my soul. I can feel his positive warm soul reaching out to me. I can feel his magic comforting my own. Even as his hips are lost to the heat. Even as they rock faster and faster into me. His magic stays steady. “That’s good Papyrus. That feels good.” The words are honest. The pain is still there. But a second feeling is becoming stronger. There isn’t any room in my mind for the insecurities. Not with my mate’s hand securing holding my soul. Protectively letting it hum or tremble, but always there in case it starts going dim. In case fear sets in. The sight of our desire mixing together is arousing. Blue and orange liquid pooling in Pap’s lap. He’s such a clean freak, but he doesn’t pay it any mind. Fuck it feels good.

  
“Sans. You are so tight around me. Are you still hurting. Am I still hurting you.” I wrap my legs around him in assurance that I’m enjoying it.

  
“I like it Pappy. Just all so new.” I’m pulled against him. I know he’s close. I didn’t expect him to last long. Not his first time. And not while in heat. I feel his cum shoot inside me before I feel the sharp pain on my shoulder. His teeth sink down into my bones and I can feel the vibrations from his moaning. It all sends me over. His thumb tiredly rubs over my soul before releasing it.

  
“I’m sorry that I could not last longer my mate.” The name… it makes me tremble. I’m so tired. I hate going into heat. The exhaustion doesn’t go away. No matter how many times… it’s not enough. The need is still there, but the exhaustion doesn’t leave.  
“It’s alright Papryus. Next time you will.” His eyes light up in such a familiar way.

  
“Next time?” He’s smiling. “You want there to be a next time.” It’s a statement. A fact. Not a question that he is asking. “Yes Sans. Next time I will make you feel even better.” The dull ache sets in. I don’t know if I could handle better.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short. Onward my ducklings.

He’s become even more protective since we… became one. He makes sure I eat, and that it’s not just ketchup. He hasn’t let me sleep in my room since our heat wore off. I like it. I like waking up to the warmth of his soul. I like how it makes me almost excited to start the day. How it makes me want to keep my eyes open instead of going back to the darkness of sleep. Everyday seems lighter. Easier. Even Papyrus’s spaghetti tastes better.

  
I still get the nightmares though.

  
Not every night. Not even most nights. I don’t think there will ever come a time where I’m free of them completely. And I’m starting to be okay with that. I don’t mind waking up in a panic as long as I wake up pressed into my mate’s rib cage. As long I can hear the quiet buzz of his soul. It’s the best lullaby or bedtime story I’ve ever found. It works every time.

  
When the insomnia happens- and it happens more than I’d like to admit- I just lay against him. Sometimes even though he is unconscious, his thumb will scratch against the back of my skull and I love it.

  
Sometimes when he’s asleep his body will respond to my close proximity. On those nights he groans uncomfortably and presses against me. My cheeks still go blue, but every time, my body responds to his. My body responds to him even when he doesn’t become aroused. It’s been a week since our heat wore off. He touched me many more times before we were able to think clearly without the need for sexual intimacy… before the heat wore off. Going into heat is much more bearable with a partner. The three remaining days were easy to tolerate…. Tolerate… I hated when the days were gone. Every time he touched me felt better than the previous time. Papyrus has always been a fast learner.

  
I made sure that he was always told how much of a cool guy he is. I never wanted him to worry about having self-esteem issues… like… other people. Maybe that’s the reason. He wasn’t too embarrassed to do anything. Too embarrassed to say anything. Asking me to do things that I don’t know I could voice out loud. Every time with unabashed loving eyes. Leaving no room for insecurities. Was I beautiful… was I messing up… am I even worth this much devotion. None of those thoughts mattered. I miss that. I miss how sure he was every time he touched me. I miss how sure that made me feel. But he hasn’t touched me since the heat wore off. Not in any sexual way. And I haven’t been able to ‘sleep’ alone. So I haven’t had a chance to have any… ‘me time’.

  
If I asked him to touch me like that again, I know he would. I know he wouldn’t reject me. I just don’t know how to ask. I don’t know how to voice what I want. I don’t know how to do anything except hide in my jacket and pretend I’m not an important figure.  
“Sans? You seem distracted.” I look up at him and then down at the fork that isn’t twirling the spaghetti like I thought I was doing. Instead it’s spinning just beside the noodles.

  
“I’m good Paps. Just… bone tired.” I take a few more bites of the food to put Paps at ease.

  
“I know you still have nightmares sometimes; is there anything I can do.”

  
“Bro, you already do a lot. Just having you to wake up beside is enough.”

  
“I really love you Sans.” The words come too fast for me to prepare myself.

  
“I love you to Papyrus.” It’s the only thing I’ve never had to question.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now everything I've written for this story has been posted. I am in the process of writing the next chapter, and I will post it as soon as I finish it. Onward my ducklings.

I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m not. The room is dark aside from my glowing blue magic. Papyrus has long since fallen asleep. I’m not doing anything wrong. I know I’m just trying to justify my actions. I feel… bad about what I’m doing. He’s always been a heavy sleeper, and I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m not. There’s no reason for me to… worry. He’s asleep and I’m not doing anything wrong.

  
My magic is glowing brightly in the dark room. I let my hand slip under the waistband of my shorts and into my boxers. I’m not doing anything wrong. I shouldn’t feel embarrassed about… relieving pent up tension. He’s to fucking close. His long arms are draped over me. I can’t move out of his hold… and I love it. I love being this close. I love the feel of his bones grazing mine. But I don’t have the self-restraint that he does. I need to relieve myself. I’m not doing anything wrong. And if I’m quiet… he will never know.

  
He smells like spices. Basil and oregano and also tomatoes. The scent is almost comforting. It reminds me of eating with him. The more times he cooks, the more edible the spaghetti gets. I’d eat it regardless of how it tastes as long as it continues to make him happy. The thoughts aren’t distracting me from other needs like I wanted them to. It’s counter effective. He’s just to close.  
I shudder when I slip one finger inside. Just one finger. That’ll be enough. Maybe. I don’t know if I will be able to satisfy myself. My middle finger twitches inside just before I slide the digit out. It’s already slick. His tongue was inside of me. The thought makes my soul flutter. I’m just curious. There’s nothing wrong with being curious. I’m not doing anything wrong. I form a tongue and lick my middle finger clean. It’s sweet. Overly sweet. I don’t know if it’s the taste or just the knowledge of exactly what I’m doing while licking my finger… but it’s arousing. My hand slides back down into my pants, but this time I press in two fingers. Papyrus was so much bigger. So much more satisfying.

  
I groan slightly before dipping my fingers back inside. It isn’t enough. Not deep enough... not big enough. He stirs slightly and I force my body to still. I force my desires in the back of my throat. I don’t need to be caught doing this…. No… I’m not doing anything wrong. Even if he did see… it’s not like he hasn’t seen me in pleasure. I’m not doing anything wrong. What I’m doing isn’t dirty. It’s normal… healthy even. I still don’t continue until he’s gone still again.

  
I can see the glimmer of his soul through his night shirt. I want to reach out and touch it. But I know that would wake him, so I content myself by pressing my skull against his ribcage and listening to the gentle hum. The sound only encourages my fingers back inside. My hips rock into my fingers. So good. Not good enough. A little harder. A little deeper. It’s not the same as with Papyrus. But I don’t need him to touch me so that I can feel good.

  
“Papyrus.” The name leaves my mouth before I can quiet it. I hold my breath, when he doesn’t wake I return to touching myself. I don’t know what I’m doing. No. I’m not doing anything wrong. He isn’t going to wake up. It’s fine. “Papyrus… it feels good. I can’t be around you. When I am… I just…” I need to be touched. My thoughts stop screaming when he’s close to me. “Papyrus. I love you. I love you so much. Felt so good. Felt so happy. We are mates.” I’m rocking faster. I can’t calm down. Sometimes when I rock into my fingers, my legs will knock against Papyrus’s. I try not to get satisfaction when I hear bone on bone grinding. “I’m not doing anything wrong.”

  
“Neyh?” His tired eyes open and the energy drains from my face. It’s replaced with only embarrassment. “Sans? What are you doing.” I’m pressed close enough where he cannot see my face. “Was it a bad dream. A nightmare?” I’m awful. He’s concerned about me and I was busy… being busy. “It’s alright Sans. I’m here. It was just a dream.”

  
“It wasn’t a dream.” I don’t want to lie to him… I wasn’t doing anything wrong.

  
“Of course it was Sans. We are both safe and…”

  
“No… I mean. I wasn’t sleeping.” He pushes me back slightly and I let him.

  
“Sans, I do not understand what you…” My magic is still flared up. My hand is still down my pants. “Oh.” I can’t look at him.

  
“I wasn’t doing anything wrong.” I feel dirty. I don’t like feeling this way.

  
“O… of course you weren’t Sans. You aren’t in heat though.”

  
“No. I’m not in heat.” It doesn’t matter that we spend three days repeatedly becoming one. Already I want more. Already I want to be touched that way again. By him.

  
“Why were you… loving yourself?”

  
“I guess I was just pent up, and I’ve been sleeping in your bed every night so I haven’t been able to touch myself. I just couldn’t stop myself.” I can hear my soul loudly thumping.

  
“You… did not want for me to touch you? Am I… Sans am I not able to make you feel good. I know that I am not very experienced, but I will try to please you better.” He’s upset.

  
“Heh, what are you talking about bro. Of course you make me feel good. You make me feel really good.” It’s true. It’s embarrassing to say out loud, but I can’t just let him think he isn’t good enough. “To good. I just start thinking about it, and get like this.” My soul is nervous. His eyes light up.

  
“Why did you not tell me Sans? I thought that… maybe you didn’t want me to touch you. Maybe you feel better when it’s just you.”  
“I didn’t know how to tell you that… I wanted you to touch me.” He’s going to tell me how silly that is. He’s going to tell me I should have just said it.

  
“I understand.” His thumb is scratching against the back of my head. “Without having the heat intensifying everything. Without having it take away the nervousness… I don’t know how to tell you that I want to touch you. It feels lewd.. and naughty. I do not want to pressure you, and though I want to touch you, I fear you may not want the same.” It’s quiet between us. “Sans?”

  
“Yea Paps?”

  
“If I were to ask to touch you, in lewd ways, what would you say?”

  
“I’d uh… I’d say that you can touch me however you want.” My soul is thrumming loudly. I’m sure he can hear it.

  
“Sans?”

  
“Yea Paps.”

  
“May I touch you in lewd ways?”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today (June 22) is my 23rd birthday so as a gift... I post this chapter. Yay. This is the last chapter where you wont be accountable. Starting next chapter, you the reader will have to make a choice. But we will look more on that next time. For now.. Enjoy while you can. Onward my ducklings.

“Sans?”

“Yea Paps.”

“May I touch you in lewd ways.”  His cheeks are dusted orange.  “I will admit that I’ve wanted to touch you again.  I felt like… I didn’t do it correctly the first time because we were both in heat.  I was haste and needy.”

“Yea.”  My mouth feels dry.  “You can… touch me in lewd ways.”  He reaches his hand out but then pauses.

“Sans?”

“Yea Paps.”

“Will you touch me in lewd ways as well?”  Fuck yea.  His eyes are so large and expecting.  If it wasn’t for the things he was saying, I would mistake them for innocent, but no.  He’s not a child.  He still has his happy loving kind personality, but he has grown up some. 

“Yea.  I think I can do that.”  His hand grasps mine tenderly.  He holds it for a moment before pressing my hand outside of his pajama pants.  I can already see the muted orange glow.  I can already feel a hard need beneath that soft material.

“I ache for you.”  Ohh fuck me…  He encourages my hand to rub his length.  During our heat… everything was one sided.  I didn’t have a chance to touch him… to taste him.  Everything was fast and based on our instinctual need to mate.  I palm the outside of his pants.  “Neyh…”  His head has fallen back slightly, but his eyes lidded are watching me.  Watching every twitch of my finger or shift of my hips.  “There feels really nice Sans.” 

“Can I see it?”  I didn’t mean to say that.  We both pause for a moment and it’s quiet for an uncomfortable length of time as I squirm in embarrassment and he looks at me wide eyed with an unreadable expression.  Instead of breaking the silence he nods.  I asked so it’s not like I can just keep touching the outside.  He slides onto his knees facing me so I sit up as well.  I swallow to calm my nerves and grasp the waistband.  I tug the material and it falls with no resistance, my mate’s erection bobs slightly. 

I find myself swallowing down an aroused groan.  I’m not going to moan just from seeing him.  I refuse.  My hand is in his.  He encourages my hand to wrap around his shaft.  His hand squeezes around my hand and I mimic the action.

“Like that.  I like when you squeeze me like that.”  Teeth bite into my clavicle through the thin fabric.  I almost wish that I had skin so that I could see the impression for days to come.  But I don’t so I lean into the bite and pump him a little faster.  While still nipping at my neck and shoulder, one of his hands come up and cup one of my breasts.  I don’t remember forming them.  “Sans.  That feels really nice.  I want to make you feel nice too.”  He pulls his teeth from where they were previously attacking.  He gently pulls my hand from his erection and locks eyes with me.

His eyes do not leave mine as he slowly removes all of his clothing.  Though his cheek bones are dyed a muted orange, his eyes do not hold any embarrassment.  He removes each article of clothing at a calm pace.  Once the fabric is free he folds it carefully and sets it out of the way before moving to the next.  He finishes and smiles softly at me.  I feel the curve of his ribs beneath the tips of my phalanges before I actually see my fingers touch him.  I did it instinctively.  Papyrus doesn’t pull back.  He doesn’t move.  He doesn’t say anything. 

I can feel his soul tremble when my thumb glides over his sternum.  My hand rubs through each rib as my other hand feels the dip of his pelvis. 

“Sans.”  My name is whispered, and in this quiet moment I question if it was even said.  “Can you remove your clothing as well.”  The anxiety is setting in again.  Which makes no sense, because he’s seen all of me.  This is nothing.  I have to calm down.

“Heh.  But if I did that, I might get **cold feet**.”  I remove the socks.  This is fine.  It’s no big deal.

“Sans.”  I grasp my coat and begin taking it off.

“But I see your point.  If I’m fully dressed, it might be hard to **jack it.** ”

“Sans.  It’s okay.  It’s okay if your nervous.”  I tug my shorts down.

“No Paps, it’s fine.  It would be **short** of me to be dressed while you aren’t.”  I’m almost done.  Just my shirt and boxers.  Why do I always sleep fully dressed?  Is it a good thing?  It’s giving me longer to calm my nerves, but also making me think about it more.  “And I’m not nervous.  Honestly I don’t give a **shirt**.”  The shirt comes off.  My breasts are no longer hidden behind a layer of fabric.  One more almost done.  Just don’t think about it.  This is Papyrus.  My mate.  Someone who I can be comfortable with. 

“It’s obvious that you are not comfortable.  You always make more puns when you are anxious.  If you want to keep your clothing on you can.  I will not be upset.”

“You are right Papyrus.  I am anxious.  All of this is so new, but I don’t have to be anxious.  Not with you. I’m okay.  Honest I am.  Just give me a minute.  I’ll be **brief**.”  My fingers are trembling around the elastic of my underwear that is now around my ankles.  It’s too quiet now.  “Is this alright Papyrus.”

“So beautiful.”  The room is dark aside from bright blue and orange glowing.  His eyes are glowing orange for me.  Showing me that it’s okay.  He’s clearly aroused.  I return to stroking him but faster than before.  “Sans.  Can I ask you to do something?  If you do not want to, then please do not feel obligated.

“What do you want me to do Papyrus.”  He opens his mouth before shutting it back.  His hands push against my shoulders until I am laying on the bed.  He’s over me.  So much bigger than I am.  He grasps himself while he hovers just above my mouth.  OH.  “You do not have to.  I will not be upset.”  His eyes are embarrassed now.  Asking for pleasure from another person, it’s still foreign to both of us.

“Can we… you know… at the same time.  I don’t mind.  I just don’t think I can do it properly if you are looking at me.”  He nods slowly then repositions himself.  He waits until my blue tongue presses against his orange erection.  That first touch is all it takes to encourage him to start. 

He’s done this to me before, and it feels better than it did last time.  I relax my nerves and close my mouth around him.  This is what my mate tastes like.  So fucking warm.  Pleasantly warm.  Like being drunk.  While I’m slowing getting used to having him in my mouth, his tongue goes deeper.  He’s confidently using his fingers to open me up to dive his tongue in deeper.  It feels so good.  I want to make him feel good like that.  So I start taking more of him into my mouth.  Inside my mouth I wrap my tongue around him.  I let his hips push deeper into my mouth.  When I suck him, one of his fingers join his tongue inside of me.  I almost cum. 

Please let him be enjoying this.  I hook my fingers into his pelvis to pull him deeper into my mouth then back out.  He’s so much bigger than me that it’s easier to show him that I want him to thrust faster.  He understands quickly.  He’s fucking my mouth.  Just thinking that is enough to make me leak.  He’s speeding up and I love it.  I love feeling the makeshift throat I created expand with his size.  I love feeling how it twitches.  And the taste.  He tastes how I imagine the sun would taste.  Warm and spicy.  Every time he presses deeper into my mouth I suck whatever I can. 

He's moaning against my opening.  The vibrations feel so good.  I can’t quiet my own moan.  Or the next several that follow it when his hips piston faster.  I can’t help that my hand grasps the back of his skull to pull him deeper into my mound.  Everything is orange and blue.  It feels like my insides have molded to the shape of his tongue.  The hand that isn’t on his skull is on his femur.  He’s taken both of my legs and bent them.  Pulling them up.  Forcing his tongue inside until it feels like it’s in my womb.  He’s fucking me with his tongue.  And he’s fucking my mouth with his dick.  So fast I can’t keep up.  My hand leaves his skull, he doesn’t need me to encourage him, he’s doing a good job of that on his own.  When I lay my hand on his hip he comes to a stop.  I can feel how his bones are trembling.  He thinks I’m wanting him to stop.  No.  I push gently trying to get him to move again.  Trying to make him return to that pace.  It takes a few minutes of coaxing before I feel him fucking my skull into the mattress.  I like this pace.  I like being full of him.  I like how needy his whimpers sound.  And I like how needy I sound. 

He’s trying to slow again, but I won’t let him.  His tongue pulls out of me and I groan wantonly. 

“Sans.  You must stop.”  His hips haven’t slowed.  “Please Sans.  If you continue. Then I will cum.  Let me pull out.  I can’t hold out much longer.”  I suck harder.  “SANS!  Ahhh.  NN.  Mnnn.  Oh.  Ohh.  Ohhhhhh.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.. FUCK!” Sweet gentle innocent Papyrus screams curses while filing my mouth.  When I release his dick drops of cum fall on my face.  “Sans.  Why did you keep sucking me?  I told you…”

“I wanted to taste you.  You have a dirty mouth Paps.”  He’s no longer hovering over me.  His fingers are stretching me.

“I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to, but when I get like that, I can’t always stop it.”  He pulls his fingers out and they are stained blue.  “You are very wet Sans.  Were you wanting me to fuck you here.”  His middle finger is pushing in and out at a slow pace.  “When I was sleeping beside you and you were fingering yourself, were you just imagining me with my tongue deep inside, or were you imagining something else.”  He’s already hard again. 

“I want to be one with you.”  He spreads my legs wide and I’m almost ashamed watching the puddle of blue under me grow larger.

“So beautiful.  You are so wet, that I’m sure you will not feel any pain.”  He pushes into me all in one thrust.  I can’t keep from squirming at the intrusion, but it isn’t painful.  His hands are kneading my breasts to distract me as he pulls out to push back in.  He continues the slow pace for much too long.  “Sans your insides are so slippery.”  He pushes my legs wider and watches his orange erection disappear inside of me. 

“Don’t look there.”

“I can’t help it.  It’s so beautiful.  Your pussy is clamping down on me.  Wanting me to stay inside of you forever.  Every time I pull out it twitches.”  I don’t know if I like hearing him talk like this or hate it.  “And you are so wet.  When I pull out, my dick is covered in your blue juices.  I think your insides are lonely.” 

“Papyrus.”  He’s deep inside me now and hovering back over me.  His body lays on top of mine; bones scrap over bones.  His teeth are against my skull.

“Does your pussy cry because she misses her best friend.”  He thrusts in harder.  Instinctively I reach out and grasp his soul in my hands.  “Ohh Sans.”  His own hand carefully cradles my soul.  Every thrust has our pelvises clanking together.  He’s thrusting so fast all I can do is wrap my legs around him.  “Sans, you feel so soft inside.” Clank.  “Do you feel good.”  Clank.

“Yes… I feel good Papyrus.”  CLANK.

“I’ve dreamt about this for so long.” Clank.  “Real like is so much better.”  Clank.  Yes.  It is so much better than anything my fantasies could think up.

“Nnn.  Papyrus.”  Clank.  “There feels really good.”

“Yeah?”  Clank.  He keeps aiming for that one spot now.  “All of you feels good.  I’m happy… that you wanted me this way.”  Clank.  “I love you so much Sans.”  Clank.

“Papyrus… I’m going to.”  Clank.

“Do it.  Cum for me my mate.”  He hasn’t slowed down.  When my body spasms and the puddle under us grows into a lake, he still doesn’t stop.  Clank.  “You are squeezing me so tight.  I’m close.”  He’s going faster and all my limp body can do is lay there and take each of his full thrusts.  “Sans.  I’m going to cum inside of you.  I’m going to cum deep inside of you and fill your womb with my cum.”

“Papyrus…..”  Clank.  Clank. 

“I’ve wanted this for so long.  Thank you for letting me have you Sans.  Neyh…. Ahh..”  My body is to sensitive that as he’s filling me another orgasm takes over my body.  He doesn’t pull out immediately.  He thrusts shallowly and I tense around him helping him milk all of his cum.  “That felt amazing Sans.  Can we again, in a day or two.  If you want.”

My body is tired.  When he pulls out I groan.  He pulls me to his chest and covers us with blankets.  He will be upset about the mess later, but for now we just lay together. 

“Papyrus.  I’m tired.”  He pulls me tighter against him.  “If I wasn’t about to fall asleep right now, I’d ask to do it again right now.”  I lean against his still thumping soul.  “I love you Papyrus.  We are mates.  It might take me a bit to get use to how our relationship has changed, but I like it.  I’m glad we are like this now.”

“I am too Sans.”  I feel myself drift off to sleep, and for once I dream of Papyrus happy and smiling.  I dream of being held and loved.  I dream of the future without waking up in a panic.


End file.
